Beyond What I Can Think... He Is

Beyond What I Can Think... He Is

Tonight it seems as if Pandora is reading my mind... I click on the link and Xcape's "Who Can I Run To" begins to play. I remember the day I fell in love with that song... I remember the person I was with... I remember how when I really listened to the lyrics I found myself hanging on to every word. It wasn't just a song to me, it was a question that I was posing to myself and anyone else who could hear my heart, "who can I run to when I need love?"

Kandi singing the lyrics reminded me that I am not the only one who feels this way. There are sure to be thousands of girls around the world who if they hear the song will identify with the lyrics exactly as I did... So why am I here, alone, sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself?

At that moment, "Christian guilt" begins to flood in. (I've heard people speak of Catholic guilt so what I'm feeling must be the Christian equivalent.) Every scripture that I've ever heard or I've ever read about God being ever present with me comes to mind. "...lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20). Then, there's Hebrews 13:5 that says, "...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee," that He being God. But yet I find myself sitting here alone at midnight feeling like J.Hud, "Where you at? You said you would be here for me???"

But no angel appears on the couch next to me. There is no random knock at my door. Nobody unexpectedly texts or calls my phone. An IM does not pop up on my computer screen. It's still me... alone with my thoughts, my guilt, because after the scriptures the songs lyrics start flowing through my mind... "Sometimes you have to encourage yourself. Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test." Then it's as if the playlist in my mind goes old school because it goes all the way back to, "He's an on time God, yes He is. Oooooo." The thought of Dottie peoples and her Marge Simpson hairstyle make me smile but in the back of my mind none of these scriptures or these songs or helping and I just want some relief. Then it's as if a button in my head clicks and the Clark Sisters commence, "Is my living in vain? Is my giving in vain? Am I wasting my time? Can the clock be rewind?"

I feel as if I'm losing hope and then another familiar scripture comes to mind... "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us." (Romans 5: 3-5).

After I read that scripture I feel a peace come over me. It was as if my hope tank was on empty and that scripture refilled my tank. The scripture reminded me that when I feel like this... when I'm down... when I'm going through... when I'm dealing with tribulations, this is the time for me to get happy, or rejoice proudly as the definition of glory suggests because I know that know that enduring this trial is developing my patience, and as I add this particular trial to the other ones that I've gone through I know that I am gaining experience, and because I know that I made it through all of those other situations I have a renewed sense of hope that I will make it through this one as well.

Last night I was feeling lonely just as I am tonight and I was hoping that a friend would call. When my phone rang I felt a sense of relief but I was surprised that talking to my friend was not making me feel any better. I expected her to comfort me and to reassure me that everything was okay. I expected her in some kind of way to take away my feelings of loneliness but when I hung up with her I found myself feeling just as empty as I did when I answered the phone. It's crazy to me that less than 24 hours after I experienced the disappointment of a person not fulfilling my needs that I would once again look to people for fulfillment.

Me, with my limited mind and limited comprehension of experiences... Why do I continuously look to people to fill a void that only God can fill? and then again why do you??? I'm looking for something tangible. I'm looking for something that I can feel, not remembering that I can feel His presence. I'm looking for something to physically comfort me, like a man to hold me at night but God is a spirit so He comforts my... spirit. He reminds my spirit man that He is ever present, because He is. He speaks peace to my spirit and my mind and my body have to obey... and therein lies the key. The issues that I am having are things that need to be addressed in the spirit realm. No friend calling me on the phone and no man holding me at night is going to fill this void... I need the Holy Spirit to rest, rule, and abide within me. I need His presence to overshadow me to the point that my mind and my body are under subjection to Him. I need Him. So my desire to seek Him deepens. I thirst for Him all the more... and knowing that He is willing and able to quench that thirst gives me hope... The very thing that I was missing in the first place.

On Pandora, Erykah Badu Radio is playing and I chuckle to myself as Erykah sings, "Your booty might be bigga, but I still can pull yo ni**a..." and I'm thanking God for comic relief in this moment. Just 20 minutes ago I was ready to denounce those scriptures and songs flowing through my mind as null and void but I thank God for stepping in and revealing to me my folly. Now there's a new song playing in my mind and at this moment the words are speaking to me in a way that they never had before,

Speak to my heart, Holy Spirit
Give me the words that will bring new life
Words on the wings of the morning
the dark night will fade away
If you speak to my heart

Speak to my heart, Holy Spirit
Message of love to encourage me
Lifting my heart from despair
How you loved me and cared for me
If speak to my Heart

Speak to my Heart Lord
Give me your Holy Word
If I can hear from you,then I'll know what to do
I won't go alone, I'll never go on my own
Just let your Spirit guide and let your word abide
Speak to my Heart

And the answers to my question has been answered because I am reassured of who I can run to when I need love. No longer looking for a physical response to a physical issue... Finally addressing the heart of the matter, literally I lay back on my pillow as sweet reminders of how He loves me lull me to sleep.

Sanctified Snitches

The term "sanctified snitches" may be new to you but if you have been in church for any significant period of time I am sure that you have come into contact with at least a few of them... So why is this relevant??? Why am I choosing to write about this today??? My purpose is twofold...

1. I want to put you up on game so if you ever come into contact with one of these snitches you recognize who they are, what they are, and you will know how to handle them.
2. If you find that you fit the description of a "Sanctified Snitch" I'm calling you out. Get you mind right and do better, please and thank you.

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If you know me then you know that I have a reputation for "fronting" well. I might be going through the roughest, toughest storm in my life within, however, my surface may convey a convincing facade of blue skies. Some might argue that that makes me fake but in actuality I feel that it makes me wise. Let me address that assumption before I go any further though... This is 'bout to be some real wisdom. Pay attention and take notes...

1. Everyone does not need to know your business. 

Don't take my word for it. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." One synonym for heart is feelings so the scripture above is suggesting that we guard our feelings, because our feelings tend to influence how we live. Don't be no fool. Everyone's intentions towards you are not good. Some people are waiting for the opportunity to see you "going through" so they can attack you or take advantage of you. Don't be a victim; use wisdom.

On the other hand, there may be people whose intentions are good but they really may not have the  ability or the capacity to help you. I feel like nothing is worse than when I'm down and I open to someone about how I'm feeling and they have nothing relevant to offer back. You might tell them your dog died, you failed your class at school, and your boyfriend broke up with you and they say, "I'm sorry. That sucks." That's like offering a band-aid on a wound that needs surgery and stitches. Don't open yourself up only to be disappointed; use wisdom.

The definition of fake is hiding something in order to deceive. Therefore I feel that if your intentions for fronting are to guard your heart, and not to be deceptive, then you are not being fake you are being wise.  A fake person will act like they have everything together just to keep up appearances. A wise person might have the appearance that they have everything together out in the open but behind the scenes they will be seeking Godly wisdom and guidance from a trustworthy source. 

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So let's say that you are using wisdom and guarding your heart. There may still be people out there who are looking for a reason to hate. It's funny to me how when the preacher mentions haters in church everyone gets excited. I guess that's because most of us think we have haters, and many of us probably do. Despite the haters we may have (or think we have) I know of one man who dealt with worse... Jesus.

Some of Jesus's biggest haters were the Pharisees. The Pharisees (learn about them in Mark 3:6) were a Jewish religious group whose members were really serious about following the Old Testament laws and their own religious traditions. They hated Jesus and wanted to kill him which is not surprising because Jesus challenged their motives behind why they did what they did. What Jesus knew about the Pharisees was that they were only concerned about making sure that the Law was carried out. They were so caught up in the religious customs and traditions that they missed the one thing that God was really concerned about- their hearts.

But we'll get back to all that..  First I want to show you a specific encounter between Jesus and the Sanctified Snitches He had to deal with, the Pharisees. From this text we will see how Jesus handled His haters and see a perfect example of how we may be able to handle our own.

Turn with me in your Bibles to Matthew 12:1-8... Lol, I just like saying that. I'll put the text below for you to reference.

Matthew 12

   ¹At that time Jesus went on the sabbath day through the corn; and his disciples were an hungred, and began to pluck the ears of corn and to eat.

   ²But when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto him, Behold, thy disciples do that which is not lawful to do upon the sabbath day.

   ³But he said unto them, Have ye not read what David did, when he was an hungred, and they that were with him;

   ⁴How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the shewbread, which was not lawful for him to eat, neither for them which were with him, but only for the priests?

   ⁵Or have ye not read in the law, how that on the sabbath days the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are blameless?

   ⁶But I say unto you, That in this place is one greater than the temple.

   ⁷But if ye had known what this meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, ye would not have condemned the guiltless.

   ⁸For the Son of man is Lord even of the sabbath day.

King James Version (KJV)

So in the text you have Jesus and His disciples chilling on the Sabbath walking through the grain fields. The disciples got hungry and they started picking some of the heads of grain to eat. All of a sudden the Pharisees, A.K.A. the "Sanctified Snitches" saw them and started hating (verse 2). Now I love this part because right here Jesus teacher us how to handle our haters. This is literally "Gettin' Yo' Haters in Check 101" so get your pens ready...

People often quote the phrase, "What Would Jesus Do?" but here we get an account of what He actually did when approached by haters. His responds to the Pharisees in verse 3 and basically says, "Um, have you been in your Word?" Then, He gave them 3 different examples to prove his innocence. So what do we learn from this? We learn that when haters come against you, "Speak the Word!" However, in order to do that you have to be in the Word yourself. Jesus gave the Pharisees, not one, but 3 examples but He can do that because He's Jesus. We can do it too, we would just have to be all up in those Scriptures to be able to do so. We gon' have to do like it says in 2 Timothy 2:15, "study to show yourself approved... rightly dividing the word of truth." I'll admit it, this is something that I'm actively working on myself... When somebody run up on me I be speaking some words all right, Lol. I have to learn to speak The Word. Lord help me!!!

The next thing that Jesus did that really stuck out to me in the scripture is in verse 7 where He said, "If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent." So here Jesus was referencing Hosea 6:6, "let's turn there in our Bibles." Lol. I'm going to put several different versions of this particular verse because I feel like this is an important lesson that Jesus wants us to understand.

Hosea 6:6:

⁶For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

King James Version (KJV) Hosea 6:6:6 I want you to show love,[a]       not offer sacrifices.    I want you to know me[b]       more than I want burnt offerings. Footnotes: Hosea 6:6 Greek version reads to show mercy. Compare Matt 9:13; 12:7. Hosea 6:6 Hebrew to know God. New Living Translation (NLT) Hosea 6:6: 6For I desire and delight in dutiful steadfast love and goodness, not sacrifice, and the knowledge of and acquaintance with God more than burnt offerings.(A) Amplified Bible (AMP)

Many times we ask ourselves the question, "What does God want from me?" He answers that question right here, HE WANTS YOUR HEART!!!! This scripture shows us that He wants us to show love and know Him above everything else. That's more important to Him than going to church seven days a week, than giving everything you own to the poor, than being the president of every auxiliary at church... And going back to what I was saying earlier, this is where the Pharisees missed it. They had made 39 categories of things that were not allowed on the Sabbath that they came up with based on their interpretation of God's law and on Jewish custom and harvesting was one of those things that was not allowed on the Sabbath. So because the disciples picked the wheat and rubbed it in their hands technically they were harvesting, however, they were not doing so to sell the grain and make a profit, they did it simply because they were hungry. Jesus felt like they were so caught up in the law that they missed Him. God cares about our intentions, our desire to know Him, and our willingness to bring others to Christ more than He cares about the little things that we do that might go against religious customs and traditions.

I feel like there are far too many people in the church who behave just like these Pharisees. They look down on a woman if she comes into the church wearing a dress that is a little short, rather than focusing on the fact that the woman even came to the church in the first place and that this may be the only dress she owns. They look down on a man who might come into the church tatted up, smelling of alcohol and weed, and shun him rather than welcoming him, embracing him, and showing him the love of Christ. Then there are the people in the church who serve daily but they do it with the wrong spirit and the wrong attitude. They are looking to be seen rather than really focusing on uplifting the body of Christ.

Today, as Christians we have to turn our attention away from the trivial things and re-focus on what is important. God wants our heart so we have to make sure that our hearts are right. Don't take my word for it, God straight up tells Samuel this in 1 Samuel 16:7,

"...for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart."


We need to start seeing things as God sees them and not get so caught up on what we see on the outside that we miss opportunities to minister and bring people to God. We have to love others and show compassion to them because "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." It's not so much important that we do the right things, but that we do the right things for the right reasons because God is looking at our hearts.

If you have found yourself in the position of being a Sanctified Snitch, seek forgiveness, repent, and from now on focus on "the heart of the matter." If you have found yourself in the position of being hurt by a Sanctified Snitch, forgive and speak the Word, knowing that the Word says in Romans 12:19, "... for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." Remember yall, He wants your heart!!!!

<3 yall! God bless!

vulnerABILITY

For as long as I can remember, the word vulnerability went right up there with the list of 4 letter words my mom told me never to say. It was literally a bad word to me. I deferred formulating my opinion until after seeking the wise counsel of my old faithful friends Merriam-Webster, and let me tell you, they did not help. They described vulnerability as being:

capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage

The word even originates the Latin word that means, to wound. So that sealed the deal for me. Being vulnerable was the equivalent to opening myself up to being wounded and who in their right mind would want that? 

So life went on, but as an adult (especially as a therapist) numerous people tried to convince me that there was a problem with the walls and barriers that I had up blocking people from getting to know the real me. However, in my mind the thought of opening myself up to attack was absurd. Then, about 6 months ago I met a woman who made me change my mind...

Turn with me in your Bibles to Mark 14, verses 3-9.

(FYI this story is also told in Matthew 26:6-13 and John 12:1-11 just in case you need other references.)

And it reads:

Mark 14:3-9

New International Version (NIV)

 3 While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

 4 Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? 5 It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages[a] and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.

   6 “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7 The poor you will always have with you,[b] and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8 She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9 Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”

John 12:1-8

New International Version (NIV)

John 12

Jesus Anointed at Bethany

 1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. 3 Then Mary took about a pint[a]of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, 5 “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.[b]” 6 He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

   7 “Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. 8 You will always have the poor among you,[c] but you will not always have me.”

Now I've heard this scripture referenced plenty of times before and I had even read it several times myself but about 6 months ago I was doing an assignment for my Ministers in Training class and I ran across it again but this time was different. (Thank God for revelation.) So in this passage is Mary, Lazarus's sister, anoints Jesus with oil. I put two passages here because both are relevant. Okay, so here was my thought process while reading this passage...

So basically Jesus is reclined, chilling at the table eating and Mary walks up on Him with this alabaster box full of perfume. She then proceeds to anoint his feet (according to John 12) with the perfume and to wipe his feet with her hair.

1.   This perfume was expensive. It was worth a year's wages!!! So I thought about it and I reasoned, Well it is Jesus. I can understand spending a year's wages on Him.

2.   

















Then, she wiped his feet with her hair. Now this is where it got me. Real talk, I don't care if you're White, Black, Latino, Asian, Armenian, whatever, hair is crucial! Women care about their hair, whether it's short, long, nappy, curly, or fine so the fact that she was willing to let down her hair to wipe His feet with it was beyond my comprehension for a second because, "This hair right here! This hair right here!!!" (Kat Williams voice). My first thoughts were, No sir! First of all, I don't do feet. Second of all I'm messing up my hair to wipe perfume on this dude's feet. Oh uh uh! (in my ghetto voice.) Don't judge me. Lol.)










True story, last week I had to spend the night at the doctor's office in order to do a sleep study (don't ask no questions.) Now I knew that they had to attach me to all these wires and everything so that they could monitor me while I was sleeping but it wasn't until the technician started attaching the wires to my face that I realized, Hold on. This lady is talking about attaching wires to my head. What about my hair!?! That's when the questions started flying out of my mouth. "Um, ma'am, are these things going to pull my hair out?" The answer was no, okay, sigh of relief, next question. "Ma'am I see you applying cream before you attach the wires, does this mean that I will have to wash my hair to get this stuff out?" That's when she reluctantly told me, "Um yes, you will have to wash your hair to get it out." Now let her have told me that the day after a hair appointment, I would have shut the entire sleep study down! Ain't no way I was going to mess up my hair just so they could run some tests! (Fortunately for her I was planning to get my hair done in the next two days so I went on and did the tests. Lol.) That story just goes to show how much women care about their hair (well this woman anyway). I was willing to postpone the sleep study it meant keeping my hair looking right. (Remember, don't judge me. I know I'm not the only one who would have done that.) :-)

Now I'm sure back in the day Mary wasn't making appointments to have her hair washed and flat ironed but this act that she did was significant in a different way. Women back then did not even unbind their hair in public. So the fact that she even took down her hair in public opened her up to being ridiculed, opened her up to being attacked, made her vulnerable. 

So wait. In order for Mary to enter into a deeper level of worship she had to make herself vulnerable? 

Yes. Mary did something that opened her up to being attacked and attack they did. Judas Iscariot and his two-faced self was the first to start hating. "Why didn't you sell this perfume and give the money to the poor?" Then the others started hating talking about what a waste it was to use the perfume for that purpose. Think about what that did to Mary emotionally. Here she was thinking that she was doing a good thing for Jesus and immediately she got talked about for doing so. Oh, but then Jesus came into the conversation! "Leave her alone."

That just reminds me of seeing kids on the playground and a group of kids is teasing one kid but then another big kid steps in and defends the kid that is being teased. Jesus stepped in to Mary's defense and immediately all the hating ceased. Jesus even went on to say that Mary would forever be remembered for what she did and that people would know of her everywhere the gospel is preached throughout the world. Wow! Do you think that Mary felt making herself vulnerable was worth it?

It was from seeing Mary in that story that I begin to get a new understanding of the concept of vulnerability. Yes, being vulnerable means that I may get physically or emotionally hurt and yes it means that I may be opening myself up to attack but in some instances vulnerability is necessary. In order for Mary to go deeper in worship, vulnerability was necessary. In life today, in order for us to go deeper in our relationships with others, vulnerability is necessary. You can't let somebody get to know you if you have walls up. Sometimes it's necessary to take those walls down. In order for you to take the next step in that business venture God has placed inside of you vulnerability is necessary. Look at the celebrities of today. While millions may love them and the work that they do, there are plenty of people who are hating and while it may not be true for many of them, Jesus has your back!!! People WILL hate when you begin to step into the things God has called you to do but don't worry, God has the last word and He will step in, defend you, and then make your name great for the beautiful things that you did. 

So, friends, my hope today is that you are able to change your mind about the negative stigma that is usually associated with vulnerability. I am not saying that you should open yourself up to anybody and everything, please use wisdom and pray for discernment. I'm just saying that sometimes vulnerability is necessary and that if you are willing to make yourself vulnerable for the purpose of serving the Lord, God will not only defend you but He will reward you. 

I love you guys and I hope y’all have been blessed by this. :-)

Get Yo' Mind Right Playa

So yall already know I'm a therapist. So in my professional capacity when I have a therapy session its formal, I mean informal because I'm me but I follow protocol. They come once a week (or whatever timeframe we agree to) and tell me what's up in their lives and I help them to come to conclusions and resolutions for the things that are occurring in their life and that's it. Outside the therapy room if I ran into them in the streets you wouldn't even know that I knew them unless they acknowledge me first. We're not friends. We don't hang out together. I'm just the person that they come to to talk about their problems, nothing more, nothing less.

I'm biased but I think that therapists are important. So many times people have issues and their lives and they hold it all inside because of their culture, or being afraid what people might say, or their own personal reasons and I think that counseling provides an outlet for them to address their issues rather than allowing everything to remain on the inside. Then there's people who are open enough to share their issues with their friends but they may not be able to come to the resolutions that they need to with their friends' help. Sometimes you tell your friends something and they're like, "Yeah girl that sucks." Okay, well I already knew it sucked before I told you, now what? In this situation a therapist can not only empathize with you but he/she can set goals with you to help you to overcome whatever it is.

All I'm saying is that friends and family are great and sometimes it's enough to go to them with your issues, but sometimes it's not and that's where people like me come in. I'm sooooooo happy to see that going to counseling is becoming more popular in American culture, especially African American culture. Tiny went to see someone on her reality show, Tiny and Toya, T.O. went to see a therapist on his show, Bethanny (idk if I'm spelling her name right, whatever) goes to a therapist regularly on her show, Bethanny Getting Married, the head lady on Keeping Up With The Joneses (I can't think of her name right now) went to go see a therapist. (Man, it's really sad how much reality TV I watch, geez. SMH.) Anyway, 3/4 of those people are Black so yeah seeing a therapist when necessary is what's hot. Come on, imagine sitting for an hour and just being allowed to talk about what's going on with you. It's all about you and you get to talk, vent, yell, cry, whatever while the other person listens and (unless you said something off the wall like you're gonna kill somebody or yourself of something) they can't tell anybody. Sounds great huh? I know. So don't be scurred. If something is going on in your life and you feel that you need counseling go for it. It can't hurt and although it's not likely you'll get someone as tight as me you can always hope, JK, JK, LOL. No, but real talk, I think that it's important for people to get over their false misconceptions about therapy and actually get down to solving their problems and resolving their issues. So in conclusion, "get yo mind right playa," literally. =)

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them...

Do yall even remember that song? Friends, how many of us have them? Friends, ones we can depend on. It's a song by Whodini... I'm pretty sure it's from the 80s... Whatever, if you know it great, if you don't I'll put the youtube video at the bottom so you can hear it. The song is talking about some real stuff and I feel that it's still relevant 20+ years later.

So in case you haven't figured it out today, tonight rather, I'm writing about friends. I had to give a talk to some little girls a couple of weeks ago about friends and I think my talk sucked. Well, let me take that back, I don't think I sucked because everything I said was true and relevant, but I don't feel like it was real. I don't think I was being my true self when I got up there and began talking. I don't know what was going on in my mind, if it was the venue, or I was intimidated by some of the other adults there, whatever it was, I was tripping and I'm still upset because whatever I do, whenever I do it, I need to feel comfortable enough to stand up and be me. Anyways, I will consider this blog post my "do over" and hopefully in the future I won't ever have to sit back and regret not being myself at a speaking engagement... Geez.

Aight, so if there's one thing that I know about it's friends, not because I'm a therapist, not because I read the Bible and I've read the Biblical qualifications a friend should have, this is something I know because of personal experience. Don't let the age fool you, I've had friends of all colors, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, ages, sexual orientations... you get the idea. I've had really really good friends, the kind that would jump over a table in the club to have my back (true story) and then I've had some not so good friends (I'll just leave those stories out to protect the guilty, you're welcome.)

I can remember every best friend I've ever had from the age of 5 on and I can also remember every friend that I've thought was a best friend who ended up being a lying, two-faced, ratchet... well I digress. Today I can honestly say that I'm grateful for every friend (and I use that term lightly) that I've ever had. The bad friendships that I've had have helped me to learn valuable lessons about what not to do in the future as well as appreciate the good friends that I have today. As for my good friends... I think this is where I'll put my focus for this post. As entertaining as it would be for me to give you stories about the bad ones I think it's much more relevant for me to talk about the good ones so that you can have the opportunity to recognize and appreciate the good friends that you have (and maybe those who aren't so good that you still hang out with.)

Aight, I have lots of people who fit in the category friend in my life. I have people who I was super close to "back in the day when I was young" who I might not talk to too much today but who remain in that category because of who they were to me. I have former classmates and coworkers who might not know my innermost thoughts and dreams but are fun people who I enjoy hanging out with. I have people who think they are my friends who really aren't who I allow to think that they are because I somewhat agree with the adage to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." So there's all kinds of people in my life and in the midst of all of them there are my real friends. These are the people I consider to be family who I would not want to imagine living without. These are the people who talk to about everything and nothing and who accept me flaws and all who contribute to making me a better person. I'm sure that you have some of all of the above as well but these people, each and every person who fits in the friend category of my life, these are the people that I'm thinking of now as I make this list of: 5 Things You Should Know About Friends.

#1- All Friends Are Not Created Equal

Imma be for real and let you know that I have a hierarchy of friends. Let's look at it like a pyramid. I have a whole bunch of people on the bottom of the pyramid who are technically my friends but they're more like associates. If I run into them in the streets I'll speak but that's about all it is between us and probably all that it's ever gon' be. Then if you go up a little bit on the hierarchy you get to people I know. These are people who actually know my first and last name. They might know a little bit about me. They probably know my phone number and we probably talk a couple of times a year. There's more levels but as you go up the number of people on that level gets smaller and smaller and that's how it should be. Everybody you know should not know every detail of your life. This means you shouldn't put everything you do on Twitter where anybody and everybody can read it. You shouldn't have a Facebook status talking about how you and your Boo are having problems. Be smart people, everybody is not best friend material therefore you should make sure that you don't set yourself up to be hurt by someone you considered a best friend who really deserved to be an associate.

#2- Birds of a Feather Really Do Flock Together

Once upon a time I used to think that who I was friends with really didn't matter. It didn't matter if they did things that I didn't necessarily agree with or lived certain lifestyles that I knew weren't right or if they were rude people or if they didn't have a relationship with God... Um, WRONG! That stuff matters. You might not agree with everything your friends do with their lives and that's fine but if they're just in general not a good person why would you be friends with them in the first place? It matters who you're friends with because people tend to be like the people they hang out with. That means if your friend cusses 24/7 and you don't, don't be surprised if the more you hang out with them you start cussing too; and I'm not just saying that sometimes bad habits can rub off, good habits can rub off too. All I'm saying is, if you're a good person and you're trying to live a life that's right with God then surround yourself with people who are trying to do the same thing. It only makes sense.

#3- Friendships Take Time

Don't base your opinion on someone solely on first impressions. Many times people are trying to put their best foot forward in the beginning and you won't see who they really are until later. If you're thinking about making someone your BFF after knowing them for five seconds, don't. It takes time to get to know people, but once they show you who they really are Believe them! I will tell you from personal experience several of my closest friendships today started off with either me not liking them or them not liking me, however, once we got to know each other then we allowed our friendships to develop. Take your time, if they're a real friend then they're not going anywhere.

4- No Friend Is Perfect Therefore No Friendship Is Perfect

No matter how much you love your friend and they claim to love you, at some point there's going to be some discord and this is to be expected. So many people have unrealistic expectations for people and relationships in their lives. Take it from me, I've had some kind of conflict with every close friend I've ever had. Granted, some conflicts have been bigger than others but today when conflict arises in my friendship I'm not devastated because I know that at some point it's bound to happen. Do yourself a favor and accept that no one is perfect and no friendship is perfect so when conflict arises you are able to talk about it and work through it. After all, many friendships become stronger after going through something.

5- Best Friends, Yes; Best Friends Forever, Not So Much

I know what it is to have a friend that you think is the "best you ever had" and you just think that yall will be friends forever and then the friendship ends up not working out. It happens. Friends fall off with each other for whatever reason and that's just something that we have to learn to accept. I think that it's important to recognize that some people come into your life for a season while others come into your life for a lifetime and we shouldn't try to hang on to seasonal friends once their season is over.

Aight, those are my 5 things. Those would have been relevant for some little girls (I say little girls they were age 8-18) to hear. See my talk could have been so simple but I made it hard. Anyways, there it is, my "redo." I like it much better than the original. =)

Anyways, I'm blessed today to have wonderful people on every level of my hierarchy of friends and I pray that you have the same as well. As promised here's Whodini with one of the realest songs ever written: Friends.

On Time God

Back in the day when I was young Dottie Peoples had this song, "He's An On Time God." It was all over the radio and churches big and small had their choirs singing it. People all over LOVED that song. I wasn't one of them, LOL. I mean I thought the song was okay... I liked how she told a story through the verses... The song was just so old school to me, and not in a good way. Even when it was new it still felt old to me... I was super young then and to me it was just not what was hot.

Today, I can appreciate the song in a way that I couldn't before. When the song came out I hadn't experienced enough in my life to personally know God as being "an on time God." Now I understand why this song used to get everybody in the church out of their seat. I'll spare you the details of my life that have led me to this personal revelation but I will say this, "He's an on time God. He's an on time God. He's an on time God. Yes, yes, yeaaahhhhhh, yes He is!" :-)

Settling Down

Recently I've struggled to empathize with my friends and the issues that they encounter in their romantic relationships. For several of my friends, I'm the person that they turn to to talk about the happenings with their boos. Don't get me wrong, I love love love being the one that they turn to and I appreciate the fact that they care enough to tell me anything at all about their personal lives. However, the more serious they get in their relationships the harder it is for me to relate.

At this point in my life I can't understand wanting to give up single life in order to share my life with someone else. (For what it's worth I've never been too keen on sharing. LOL.) It's crazy too because once upon a time I was obsessed the thought of being married. I sit here and laugh today at how much my priorities have changed. I can remember at one point telling my friends that if given the choice between pursuing a career or getting married and having kids I would choose the latter. Without hesitation or a second thought I would have chose the latter. Now getting married is probably one of the last things on my mind while getting my career off the ground is one of the 1st. However, all around me more and more of my friends are making the decision to "settle down." It's crazy to see some of my friends (many of whom are the same age of me) not only as husbands or wives but also as parents. My, my, my how things change...

Last Friday I ran into one of my old friends from high school. We hadn't seen each other in YEARS so I was really happy to see her. We sat down and discussed the current state our lives but for me nothing had really changed since the last time I'd seen her. I'm still single and still in school. What can I say, I'm still the "same ol' G"LOL. I was surprised to hear how much her life had changed though.

She confessed that she had settled down since the last time I'd seen her. My little party girl friend is now working on getting her certification to become a teacher. She said when she met her boyfriend she decided to calm down on all the partying and now her focus is on her family, her boo, work, and school. When she told me that they'd even bought a house together I was shocked. I would have never guessed that she would have changed her lifestyle so much so quickly and at such a young age (she's 21/22.) It started me to thinking though...

I decided that my new quest would be to get a better understanding of why people make the decision to settle down. I started wondering, how does it happen? What happens in a person's life to make them want to settle down? Is it that they meet someone and that person makes them want to settle down or is it that they make the decision to settle down and then they meet someone to settle down with? I felt that it was probably a little bit of both. I even asked for the opinion of several of my friends who are in semi-serious relationships and they agreed. So at that point I had the answer to my questions but there was still a part of me that felt that I couldn't fully comprehend why people make the decision to settle down, especially at my age.

The way I see/saw it is that it's fun to be single. I like having the freedom to be able to do whatever, whenever, without worrying about having to answer to anyone, cater to anyone, or compromise with anyone. It's fun and exciting to meet new dudes and establish new friendships, especially when they turn out to be someone that you actually enjoy hanging out with and you grow to care about, but for me that's all I think/thought I needed- at least for right now anyway. Then something happened that put it all into perspective for me...

Last weekend I went to this place that I go to regularly. (I know some of you might want to know where I was. Don't ask no questions, LOL. When I leave out details I do so on purpose. I be trying to tell yall stories without making it too easy for yall to figure out who/what/when/where/why I'm talking about it. :-))

So yeah, I went to this place that I go to all the time. I recognized most of the people who were there because they're usuals as well but there were several faces that I'd never seen before. I was chilling in my normal spot when all of a sudden I saw this boy across the room. He wasn't a familiar face but he seemed to be the life of the party. It seemed that all eyes were on him, mine included.

I couldn't figure out why I didn't know him. This was one of those places where everybody knows everybody for the most part so in my mind I was like, where did he come from? I sat up a little bit straighter just in case he looked in my direction and leaned over and asked the person beside me casually, "Who is that?" She told me he was a friend of one of the usuals and that she'd seen him there before. "Oh okay," I responded trying to play it off like I was indifferent but I was definitely attracted to him. I couldn't put my finger on what it was about him that attracted me to him at first but then I realized that he "remind[ed] me of a boy that I once knew..." but not only that, he reminded me of a time in my life (long ago and so far away) back when I had wanted to "settle down."

I had remembered wanting so desperately to be married when I was younger but I had forgotten that at the time there was someone I could actually see myself being married to. Mr. Man, I'll call him, was everything that I had ever prayed for in a partner and even some things I hadn't even thought to pray for. The way that I felt about him is something that I won't even attempt to articulate in words, however, I will say that I've never felt that way about anyone before him and I haven't felt that way about anyone since him. I would look at him and I could see forever. I felt like he fit in my life in a way that no one else would, could, or should. And he wasn't perfect, as no man is, but I saw past his imperfections and I saw his potential...

I won't bore you about Mr. Man because I could probably babble about about him for hours if not days and he isn't too relevant because obviously we didn't turn out Happily Ever After...    Let's just say that my quest for understanding ended at the onset of seeing Mr. YouRemindMe who reminded me of Mr. Man. I can't even believe that I've gotten so caught up in life and so far away from love that I forgot how it felt to not only want to settle down but to also have felt that you found the person you want to settle down with. Don't worry, I'm not any closer to wanting to give up the single life than I was before I began this little search for understanding, however, I end this particular journey feeling like I will be able to be a better friend now that I am able to empathize more with what my friends are going through. Also, although I'm not in a hurry to rush love I will appreciate it more when it comes knowing that it does not come along that often.

So for all of you who have made the decision to settle down and you've been fortunate enough to find the person to settle down with, Yay for you! I'm genuinely happy for you and I wish you the best. However, for now I'm happy just being "the same ol' [single] G." LOL. :-)

The Essence of Truly Being "Grown"

Jenny Solomon

photoxpress.com

So now that my birthday is quickly approaching I'm on this whole "act like a grownup" kick. Although I've technically been an adult for a while now and I would tell people to tried to talk crazy to me "You can't tell me nothin' I'm grown," looong before my 18th birthday, I recognize now that I'm not as grown as I thought I was. I wondered though, What does it mean to be grown? What does being grown even look like? I googled it of course and the first definition I found described being grown as being "fully mature." I liked the definition but it proved what I only suspected before, I am far from truly being grown.

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Recently I've been having Brian McKnight moments. Yall know what I'm talking about. Those "do I ever cross your mind anytime" kind of moments. Let me clarify though; it wasn't as crucial to me as it was to Mr. McKnight. I wasn't "crying myself to sleep... wondering about tomorrow, won't you come back to me..." None of that. However, weekend before last I started thinking about this boy... I had seen someone who looked like him and it reminded me of him. Let's call him Church Boy. 

Church Boy and I grew up together. We went to church together. We went to school together. I saw him often and we were friends. I remember either my freshman or sophomore year in high school he showed up at my locker with flowers and candy for Valentine's Day, trying to be my valentine. I thought that that was super cute of him but I didn't really like him like that so we remained friends. Anyway, after I saw Boy Who Looks Like Him I was like, Hmm. Why aren't Church Boy and I friends? I live here. He lives here. We could hang out. 

So it became my life's mission to find him. Okay, okay, it wasn't that serious but I did want to find a way to contact him and see what was up with us hanging out. (For those of you who are wondering, no I did not have a change of heart and suddenly realize that I couldn't live without him. I just wanted to catch up with an old friend. Period. The end.) So you can imagine my excitement (and surprise) when less than a week later I ran into him at Wal-Mart. 

I noticed him before he noticed me so I left all my stuff where it was in the self check-out line and I walked over to him and said hello. It was one of those typical greetings after not seeing someone for years. There was a surprised, "Hey!"then a "hey" back. Hug. I'm sure that hug would have been followed by a short question and answer session. How are you? What you been up to? Blah, blah, blah, but I had to get back to my stuff just in case some clown tried to snatch my purse so I went back to the line and quickly checked out my stuff hoping that I would finish before he did so I could go back over and talk to him. 

Checking out my stuff took longer than expected and then I ended up helping the little old lady behind me in line. I knew he had to be long gone by then but when I turned around he was standing there waiting for me, smiling. He commented about me and my dress and it reminded me of the days we used to joke around in high school. I was definitely not expecting the next thing that came out of his mouth.

"So what's been up with you," I asked. "My son was just born yesterday," he beamed. It was at that moment I saw the hospital bracelet on his left hand and the bag holding the baby headrest for the car seat in his right. It was also at that moment that I realized that my little plan for us to become buddies was not gon' happen, LOL. He had his own new little baby buddy and a baby momma to hang out with so he definitely did not need me.  

I will admit I was a little disappointed that he wasn't going to become my newest BFF but more than that I was soooooooooooooooo genuinely happy for him. Wow. A baby. As I stood there and looked at baby pictures on his phone I wondered how life would have been different I had let him be my valentine all those years ago...

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Fast forward to tonight. I stumbled across the ESPYs on ESPN and I got sooo excited. I sat there watching all of the athletes and entertainers and in my mind I drifted back to the days when I was young... Yall, I wanted to be an athlete sooooooooo bad when I was younger. I did have the body of an athlete in high school but unfortunately I lacked the skills I so longed to have. I had always excelled academically but sports, especially basketball, was always a challenge for me. 

I remember the summer before my junior year in high school I had made up my mind that I was going to be a starter. I woke up at the crack of dawn every morning and headed to the basketball court and I didn't go home until the street lights came on. I even dreamt about basketball at night. By the time I went back to school I was black as tar from being out in the sun all day everyday but more importantly than that I finally felt that I had the confidence and the skills I needed to excel. Although Coach hadn't said anything officially, by the time we got to the practice before our first game I felt that not only would I be starting but I might even be up for the position of Team Captain. It was in that practice I shattered my finger and with that shattered my dream of finally being a real athlete. I still wonder from time to time how my life would have been different if I hadn't shattered my finger all those years ago...

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Although I may never know all the answers to the question of what it truly means to be grown, if you ask me today, right now, I would answer: Being grown is being able to look at your life and recognizing that you are exactly where you need to be, at the exact time you need to be there, with the people you need to be there with. 

In life there will always be what ifs and I'm sure that you too might run across someone someday that will make you wonder, "Do I ever cross you mind anytime?" However, I feel like the difference between someone who is grown and someone who isn't is that a grown person can look at her life and accept the things that God has allowed. She can accept the place where she is in life, while still always seeking to improve. She can accept and appreciate the people who are currently in her life while also accepting and appreciating the people who may no longer be for whatever reason. She can accept God's timing and diligently and patiently seek Him until the season she is praying/hoping for comes around. 

So as I continue on my journey I am hoping to get to the point where I no longer will have to "act like a grownup" because I will be one, fully mature in every sense of the word, however, for now I remain the ungrown grownup on a quest to grow up. ;-) Luv u guys. God bless!

Revelation

Last night when I went to see one of my friends she casually slipped a CD into my hand. The CD contained a sermon with the message, "Fasting For Your Mate." (I guess at this point my friend figures that I need all the help that I can get, LOL. Just kidding. =) ). I graciously took the CD and after returning home later that night I took the time to listen to it.

It was great. The pastor used the story of Issac and Rebecca to relay his message about the importance of including God in the process of finding your mate. I listened to the sermon and took notes but after I did so I still felt like I was missing something... I was already familiar with the story of how Issac and Rebecca came to be together and I am well aware of the importance of including God in the process of finding my mate. It was nice to be reminded of these things and the pastor was quite an eloquent speaker but after everything was said and done I still yearned for a more. I felt like I needed a more specific Word, a Word just for me that was relevant to my current situation, because after the listening to the sermon I was still left with the question in my mind, "God, what are you trying to tell me?" So I prayed and I asked God just that and He answered me. Now by sharing with you my own actions I am going to provide you a list of things not to do when requesting revelation from God. (Yall please don't be like me, LOL.)

God took me in my Bible to 1 Timothy 3. Now I've read this particular passage a million times so before I even turned there I remembered that it was about overseers and deacons. So my first reaction was, Jesus, I'm sitting here asking you about a man and you're taking me to a scripture about some deacons?

#1-Don't ask God to show you something then start asking questions and tripping before He even has the opportunity to reveal whatever He's trying to reveal to you. He's God. He knows what He's doing. Just trust Him.

It didn't make sense to me at first but I knew God had led me specifically to that scripture so I prepared to start reading. Now you can look at my Bible and tell if I've read a particular passage or not because if I have then the words are all underlined and circled with notes all in the margins. So because I've read this scripture so much the entire page is marked up and underlined. I started reading but as soon as I got to verse 2 and it started mentioning an overseer I started just skimming over the words so that I could quickly get to the point which I was sure was farther down in the chapter.

#2- Don't rush when God is trying to show you something. Take your time so that you can get the full understanding of what He is trying to tell/show you.

He admonished me to stop acting like Speedy Gonzales and to start over and I did. 1 Timothy 3:1 (NIV) states,

"Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task."

Aight, so I read that verse and processed that for a second but then I asked myself the question, What exactly is an overseer? I knew that in the church an overseer is usually like the pastor, bishop, or some leader in the church but I decided to dictionary.com it just to make sure I wasn't missing anything. So I went to the website and popped in the word overseer and this is what came up:

–noun

a person who oversees; supervisor; manager:

—Synonyms 

chief, head, boss, director.

That's when it clicked for me. It was like a lightbulb or an alarm clock or something went off in my head. It was like Ding! Ding! Ding! An overseer is the head and the man is the head of the woman so these positions are one and the same. When a man is looking for a woman he is looking for a helper but at the same time the woman is looking for an overseer or head. All of a sudden I was really excited because I kind of felt like as a woman I didn't have a lot to do with the whole selecting a mate process (besides fasting and praying and living right and stuff) because I wasn't a man so it wasn't my responsibility to be out looking for anybody. But Jesus broke it down and showed me that it's just like when you're searching for a job. The company is looking for somebody to fill a position because they need help but at the same time you should be looking for the right boss, supervisor, or head, cause nothing is worse than having a bad boss. When you take the time to think about it this man will be the spiritual/ physical head of your household so you would want to make sure that you choose wisely. 

So now we can take it back to the scripture and verse 1 can be read like this, "If anyone sets his heart on being a head or husband, then he desires a noble task." Next you see all of the qualifications for an overseer starting in verse 2. There are a total of 15 qualifications listed in the next several verses and since we're looking at this as somewhat of a job description you need to let men know IF YOU DO NOT MEET THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR THE JOB YOU NEED NOT APPLY!!! Don't be trying to let a dude make it because he fine or because he has a 6-7 figure salary. You and I both know it doesn't matter if your boss is fine if he sucks at being a boss (but if he is fine that is always a plus, LOL.) 

Now here are the qualifications:

1) above reproach- not deserving of blame or criticism

2) husband of but 1 wife- no "playas" allowed (if you know he is not a 1 woman man let him go)

3) temperate- moderate, self-restrained, not extreme

4) self-controlled

5) respectable

6) hospitable

7) able to teach

8) not given to drunkenness 

9) not violent but gentle

10) not quarrelsome

11) not a lover of money

12) manages his own family well

13) sees that his children obey & respect him (these should be his values)

14) not a new Christian

15) good reputation with outsiders

Now if he is living a Godly, holy, Christian life then these qualifications shouldn't be too hard to meet, but if he's not then you should be on to the next one. So many times I hear of women who have a list for the qualities of what they think their man should have but here is one that God has provided for us. So if you're looking for a list to pray about this is it. (Don't trip either, because I'm not saying that appearance and attraction aren't important... I'm strictly looking at this from an overseer standpoint.)

 In all, I'm grateful because God continues to show me and help me recognize that finding the man for me is much bigger than the superficial things I used to focus on in the past. My #1 fan and I always joke about dudes "putting in applications" to get with us but if we really think about it that's exactly what they're doing, LOL. Anyways, I thank God for His revelation and I would encourage you to seek Him, like earnestly seek Him to give you the answers for the questions in your life. Pray for wisdom, pray for understanding, pray for revelation because I am a witness that He will answer your prayers. God bless. =)