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If asked I would describe myself as the kind of person who seeks wise counsel often. Ooh, I like how that sounds. It makes it seem as if I constantly seek wisdom and not like I'm the indecisive, uptight- I mean cautious- person that I am. So the latest issue that I was seeking wise counsel on is yet again regarding a boy. I saw this dude recently who I had lost contact with several years agao and in my opinion I felt the conversation was uneventful. We spoke, gave each other super abridged updates on our life, and then went our separate ways. One of my friends inquired about the conversation and I told her what was said word for word. Immediately her countenance changed and she looked excited but almost upset with me. "Ohmigosh, he was soo trying to talk to you and you just shut him down." I couldn't figure out what the heck she was talking about. How did we have two completely different interpretations of the same conversation!?! I let her calm down and then listened to her explain her theory of what he was trying to say during our conversation and how he interpreted what I said. "You know boys are dumb. They can't just come out and say stuff and he tried to let you know he was interested and you completely shut him down." I felt my heart sink. OMG. What if she was right? What if I had missed my opportunity and the love that could have developed between us was lost forever??? Nah, she couldn't be right... and from there my new search for wise counsel commenced.
My first stop was my mom. I tend to trust her opinion because she sugar coats things for me never. Can you believe I got the same reaction my friend gave me and she was surprisingly more upset with me than my friend was. "You were probably so rude to him." I thought about it. Okay, maybe I was a little short with him but rude, no. "I know you. You probably had your face booted up and you were looking at him like, 'Why are you talking to me.'" I thought about that too. Okay, maybe in my mind I was thinking, "Why is he even talking to me," but that doesn't mean that that's how my face looked. I wasn't convinced. "Ma, how do you know?" "Because I know you and that's what I would have done!" Oh so here we were finally getting to the core of it. "So how you gon' be mad at me 'cause I act like you? It's your fault." She agreed so I won the "argument" but I still left the conversation feeling defeated. Was I really unknowingly rude to people? Were my thoughts really that transparent because they were written all over my face? Nah, she couldn't be right... and from there my search for wise counsel continued.
The next stop was my cousin. Once again I got the same reaction but at least she tried to be a little nicer about it, which actually made it even worse. The one person who doesn't even believe in calling dudes suggested that I call him. "Just call him one time though. After that it's all on him." What!?! Me calling him was out of the question and I let her know that. I even added on that I really didn't care, anyway. Now that was a lie but I was trying to make a point. It was then that she got really serious, "Yes you do. I can see it in your eyes. You want to go out and have fun and you want a boo to do it with." Well at that point I almost died or cried or both. I don't even know how I felt. Did I really look like a sad desperado w/ no boo? Uhh I couldn't take it. Everyone was saying exactly the same thing but it didn't make me feel any better about potentially contacting him. I talked to my old roommate from college and my Godmother she agreed with the rest so there was only one more stop to go. My oldest little brother who had the self-proclaimed title of being, "The Man."
This little clown is never to be taken seriously even when he is being serious but I was desperate so I listened. "Yeah, I once had a situation like that with a girl. I started talking to her again after a brief period of not talking to her and she got an attitude. You know how yall African American women do. She went off on me talking 'bout, 'Oh so now you want to talk to me!' I was like, 'That's a bet. I didn't want to talk to you anyway.' Why, cause I'm the man and I don't love these hos!" It was at that point I questioned whether it was wise to be be listening to this fool. "Nah but for real I didn't even know there was a problem with her. I know I had stopped talking to her but it took a lot of effort for me to even try to start talking to her again. Then she got an attitude... I know you had an attitude with that boy too. I know you and you're crazy. You should just text him. If it were me I would be like, ''Sup,' but since you're a girl you should say, "Wuz up." At that point I was 100% sure that it was not wise for me to be listening to him. At 22 years old he is technically a grown up I know that he is still far far from being a real grown man. Talking to him was pure comedy as usual but the fact that he mentioned that I acted like a stereotypical black girl did make me think...
After all of that I finally found someone who agreed with me, my older cousin. I consider her to be wise for real, after all she's been on this earth almost longer than my mom and I put together have been. She told me that my response to him was to be expected and that if he was truly interested in me he would make that known, therefore I should not contact him at all. I thought that someone finally agreeing with me would make me feel better but the uncertainty remained. I felt like the woman at the top of this page. I didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion. I just wanted peace.
It was at that point I made the decision to pray about it. To really pray about it too, not just the simple, "God what should I do" prayers that I had been praying before. When I prayed God answered. He reminded me of the role of a woman in a man's life and brought me all the way back to Adam and Eve. He revealed to me that when I finally get with the man I am supposed to be with he will not only want to be with me but he will need me. As women we are designed to be a helper for men, the Bible explains that very clearly in Genesis, so it is important for me to enter the man's life when he recognizes that he needs help, and not before. Then He reminded me of the fact that timing is everything. He brought me back to Moses and the children of Israel wandering around in the desert. The promise of entering the new land had already been made and they were already making their way there but some important things had to happen before they got there. They had to learn some things on their journey and certain people had to die before they reached their destination. God wanted to make sure that the right people with the right mindset were the ones to enter the promised land. The same rules apply for me today. I know there will be a man someday but in the meantime I have to learn some things and certain things have to die in my life before I am able to enter into the promised land/relationship. My wise council to whom I went for wise counsel pointed out some things about me that I'm not too happy about. I don't want to be seen as the stereotypical black girl who always has an attitude. I don't want to be seen as the unapproachable girl who is hard to talk to because she's so rude. I don't want to be seen as the sad girl who is desperate to find a man. In my mind that's not me therefore I don't want to be perceived as being that way and these are all things I can change (not the way others perceive me of course, but my behavior).
All of a sudden I felt so silly because I know I should of went to God first. I did with my "God what should I do prayer" but I should have went to him genuinely and earnestly, really seeking Him and what He had to say. That's what He's there for. He doesn't expect us to know which way to turn or what decisions to make so He makes himself available to reveal those things to us. It's our fault if we don't ask Him. I've had enough of that he said/ she said, my focus now is on what He said- period. I love, love, love my wise council but I will do my best to seek wise counsel from Him 1st from now on.
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and grieves to bear.
What a privilege we often carry
everything to God in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit,
oh what needless pain we're to bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
all our sins and grieves to bear.
What a privilege we often carry
everything to God in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit,
oh what needless pain we're to bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
That's the best in conclusion ever!
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