Beyond What I Can Think... He Is

Beyond What I Can Think... He Is

Tonight it seems as if Pandora is reading my mind... I click on the link and Xcape's "Who Can I Run To" begins to play. I remember the day I fell in love with that song... I remember the person I was with... I remember how when I really listened to the lyrics I found myself hanging on to every word. It wasn't just a song to me, it was a question that I was posing to myself and anyone else who could hear my heart, "who can I run to when I need love?"

Kandi singing the lyrics reminded me that I am not the only one who feels this way. There are sure to be thousands of girls around the world who if they hear the song will identify with the lyrics exactly as I did... So why am I here, alone, sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself?

At that moment, "Christian guilt" begins to flood in. (I've heard people speak of Catholic guilt so what I'm feeling must be the Christian equivalent.) Every scripture that I've ever heard or I've ever read about God being ever present with me comes to mind. "...lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20). Then, there's Hebrews 13:5 that says, "...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee," that He being God. But yet I find myself sitting here alone at midnight feeling like J.Hud, "Where you at? You said you would be here for me???"

But no angel appears on the couch next to me. There is no random knock at my door. Nobody unexpectedly texts or calls my phone. An IM does not pop up on my computer screen. It's still me... alone with my thoughts, my guilt, because after the scriptures the songs lyrics start flowing through my mind... "Sometimes you have to encourage yourself. Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test." Then it's as if the playlist in my mind goes old school because it goes all the way back to, "He's an on time God, yes He is. Oooooo." The thought of Dottie peoples and her Marge Simpson hairstyle make me smile but in the back of my mind none of these scriptures or these songs or helping and I just want some relief. Then it's as if a button in my head clicks and the Clark Sisters commence, "Is my living in vain? Is my giving in vain? Am I wasting my time? Can the clock be rewind?"

I feel as if I'm losing hope and then another familiar scripture comes to mind... "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us." (Romans 5: 3-5).

After I read that scripture I feel a peace come over me. It was as if my hope tank was on empty and that scripture refilled my tank. The scripture reminded me that when I feel like this... when I'm down... when I'm going through... when I'm dealing with tribulations, this is the time for me to get happy, or rejoice proudly as the definition of glory suggests because I know that know that enduring this trial is developing my patience, and as I add this particular trial to the other ones that I've gone through I know that I am gaining experience, and because I know that I made it through all of those other situations I have a renewed sense of hope that I will make it through this one as well.

Last night I was feeling lonely just as I am tonight and I was hoping that a friend would call. When my phone rang I felt a sense of relief but I was surprised that talking to my friend was not making me feel any better. I expected her to comfort me and to reassure me that everything was okay. I expected her in some kind of way to take away my feelings of loneliness but when I hung up with her I found myself feeling just as empty as I did when I answered the phone. It's crazy to me that less than 24 hours after I experienced the disappointment of a person not fulfilling my needs that I would once again look to people for fulfillment.

Me, with my limited mind and limited comprehension of experiences... Why do I continuously look to people to fill a void that only God can fill? and then again why do you??? I'm looking for something tangible. I'm looking for something that I can feel, not remembering that I can feel His presence. I'm looking for something to physically comfort me, like a man to hold me at night but God is a spirit so He comforts my... spirit. He reminds my spirit man that He is ever present, because He is. He speaks peace to my spirit and my mind and my body have to obey... and therein lies the key. The issues that I am having are things that need to be addressed in the spirit realm. No friend calling me on the phone and no man holding me at night is going to fill this void... I need the Holy Spirit to rest, rule, and abide within me. I need His presence to overshadow me to the point that my mind and my body are under subjection to Him. I need Him. So my desire to seek Him deepens. I thirst for Him all the more... and knowing that He is willing and able to quench that thirst gives me hope... The very thing that I was missing in the first place.

On Pandora, Erykah Badu Radio is playing and I chuckle to myself as Erykah sings, "Your booty might be bigga, but I still can pull yo ni**a..." and I'm thanking God for comic relief in this moment. Just 20 minutes ago I was ready to denounce those scriptures and songs flowing through my mind as null and void but I thank God for stepping in and revealing to me my folly. Now there's a new song playing in my mind and at this moment the words are speaking to me in a way that they never had before,

Speak to my heart, Holy Spirit
Give me the words that will bring new life
Words on the wings of the morning
the dark night will fade away
If you speak to my heart

Speak to my heart, Holy Spirit
Message of love to encourage me
Lifting my heart from despair
How you loved me and cared for me
If speak to my Heart

Speak to my Heart Lord
Give me your Holy Word
If I can hear from you,then I'll know what to do
I won't go alone, I'll never go on my own
Just let your Spirit guide and let your word abide
Speak to my Heart

And the answers to my question has been answered because I am reassured of who I can run to when I need love. No longer looking for a physical response to a physical issue... Finally addressing the heart of the matter, literally I lay back on my pillow as sweet reminders of how He loves me lull me to sleep.

Sanctified Snitches

The term "sanctified snitches" may be new to you but if you have been in church for any significant period of time I am sure that you have come into contact with at least a few of them... So why is this relevant??? Why am I choosing to write about this today??? My purpose is twofold...

1. I want to put you up on game so if you ever come into contact with one of these snitches you recognize who they are, what they are, and you will know how to handle them.
2. If you find that you fit the description of a "Sanctified Snitch" I'm calling you out. Get you mind right and do better, please and thank you.

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If you know me then you know that I have a reputation for "fronting" well. I might be going through the roughest, toughest storm in my life within, however, my surface may convey a convincing facade of blue skies. Some might argue that that makes me fake but in actuality I feel that it makes me wise. Let me address that assumption before I go any further though... This is 'bout to be some real wisdom. Pay attention and take notes...

1. Everyone does not need to know your business. 

Don't take my word for it. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." One synonym for heart is feelings so the scripture above is suggesting that we guard our feelings, because our feelings tend to influence how we live. Don't be no fool. Everyone's intentions towards you are not good. Some people are waiting for the opportunity to see you "going through" so they can attack you or take advantage of you. Don't be a victim; use wisdom.

On the other hand, there may be people whose intentions are good but they really may not have the  ability or the capacity to help you. I feel like nothing is worse than when I'm down and I open to someone about how I'm feeling and they have nothing relevant to offer back. You might tell them your dog died, you failed your class at school, and your boyfriend broke up with you and they say, "I'm sorry. That sucks." That's like offering a band-aid on a wound that needs surgery and stitches. Don't open yourself up only to be disappointed; use wisdom.

The definition of fake is hiding something in order to deceive. Therefore I feel that if your intentions for fronting are to guard your heart, and not to be deceptive, then you are not being fake you are being wise.  A fake person will act like they have everything together just to keep up appearances. A wise person might have the appearance that they have everything together out in the open but behind the scenes they will be seeking Godly wisdom and guidance from a trustworthy source. 

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So let's say that you are using wisdom and guarding your heart. There may still be people out there who are looking for a reason to hate. It's funny to me how when the preacher mentions haters in church everyone gets excited. I guess that's because most of us think we have haters, and many of us probably do. Despite the haters we may have (or think we have) I know of one man who dealt with worse... Jesus.

Some of Jesus's biggest haters were the Pharisees. The Pharisees (learn about them in Mark 3:6) were a Jewish religious group whose members were really serious about following the Old Testament laws and their own religious traditions. They hated Jesus and wanted to kill him which is not surprising because Jesus challenged their motives behind why they did what they did. What Jesus knew about the Pharisees was that they were only concerned about making sure that the Law was carried out. They were so caught up in the religious customs and traditions that they missed the one thing that God was really concerned about- their hearts.

But we'll get back to all that..  First I want to show you a specific encounter between Jesus and the Sanctified Snitches He had to deal with, the Pharisees. From this text we will see how Jesus handled His haters and see a perfect example of how we may be able to handle our own.

Turn with me in your Bibles to Matthew 12:1-8... Lol, I just like saying that. I'll put the text below for you to reference.

Matthew 12

   ¹At that time Jesus went on the sabbath day through the corn; and his disciples were an hungred, and began to pluck the ears of corn and to eat.

   ²But when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto him, Behold, thy disciples do that which is not lawful to do upon the sabbath day.

   ³But he said unto them, Have ye not read what David did, when he was an hungred, and they that were with him;

   ⁴How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the shewbread, which was not lawful for him to eat, neither for them which were with him, but only for the priests?

   ⁵Or have ye not read in the law, how that on the sabbath days the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are blameless?

   ⁶But I say unto you, That in this place is one greater than the temple.

   ⁷But if ye had known what this meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, ye would not have condemned the guiltless.

   ⁸For the Son of man is Lord even of the sabbath day.

King James Version (KJV)

So in the text you have Jesus and His disciples chilling on the Sabbath walking through the grain fields. The disciples got hungry and they started picking some of the heads of grain to eat. All of a sudden the Pharisees, A.K.A. the "Sanctified Snitches" saw them and started hating (verse 2). Now I love this part because right here Jesus teacher us how to handle our haters. This is literally "Gettin' Yo' Haters in Check 101" so get your pens ready...

People often quote the phrase, "What Would Jesus Do?" but here we get an account of what He actually did when approached by haters. His responds to the Pharisees in verse 3 and basically says, "Um, have you been in your Word?" Then, He gave them 3 different examples to prove his innocence. So what do we learn from this? We learn that when haters come against you, "Speak the Word!" However, in order to do that you have to be in the Word yourself. Jesus gave the Pharisees, not one, but 3 examples but He can do that because He's Jesus. We can do it too, we would just have to be all up in those Scriptures to be able to do so. We gon' have to do like it says in 2 Timothy 2:15, "study to show yourself approved... rightly dividing the word of truth." I'll admit it, this is something that I'm actively working on myself... When somebody run up on me I be speaking some words all right, Lol. I have to learn to speak The Word. Lord help me!!!

The next thing that Jesus did that really stuck out to me in the scripture is in verse 7 where He said, "If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent." So here Jesus was referencing Hosea 6:6, "let's turn there in our Bibles." Lol. I'm going to put several different versions of this particular verse because I feel like this is an important lesson that Jesus wants us to understand.

Hosea 6:6:

⁶For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

King James Version (KJV) Hosea 6:6:6 I want you to show love,[a]       not offer sacrifices.    I want you to know me[b]       more than I want burnt offerings. Footnotes: Hosea 6:6 Greek version reads to show mercy. Compare Matt 9:13; 12:7. Hosea 6:6 Hebrew to know God. New Living Translation (NLT) Hosea 6:6: 6For I desire and delight in dutiful steadfast love and goodness, not sacrifice, and the knowledge of and acquaintance with God more than burnt offerings.(A) Amplified Bible (AMP)

Many times we ask ourselves the question, "What does God want from me?" He answers that question right here, HE WANTS YOUR HEART!!!! This scripture shows us that He wants us to show love and know Him above everything else. That's more important to Him than going to church seven days a week, than giving everything you own to the poor, than being the president of every auxiliary at church... And going back to what I was saying earlier, this is where the Pharisees missed it. They had made 39 categories of things that were not allowed on the Sabbath that they came up with based on their interpretation of God's law and on Jewish custom and harvesting was one of those things that was not allowed on the Sabbath. So because the disciples picked the wheat and rubbed it in their hands technically they were harvesting, however, they were not doing so to sell the grain and make a profit, they did it simply because they were hungry. Jesus felt like they were so caught up in the law that they missed Him. God cares about our intentions, our desire to know Him, and our willingness to bring others to Christ more than He cares about the little things that we do that might go against religious customs and traditions.

I feel like there are far too many people in the church who behave just like these Pharisees. They look down on a woman if she comes into the church wearing a dress that is a little short, rather than focusing on the fact that the woman even came to the church in the first place and that this may be the only dress she owns. They look down on a man who might come into the church tatted up, smelling of alcohol and weed, and shun him rather than welcoming him, embracing him, and showing him the love of Christ. Then there are the people in the church who serve daily but they do it with the wrong spirit and the wrong attitude. They are looking to be seen rather than really focusing on uplifting the body of Christ.

Today, as Christians we have to turn our attention away from the trivial things and re-focus on what is important. God wants our heart so we have to make sure that our hearts are right. Don't take my word for it, God straight up tells Samuel this in 1 Samuel 16:7,

"...for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart."


We need to start seeing things as God sees them and not get so caught up on what we see on the outside that we miss opportunities to minister and bring people to God. We have to love others and show compassion to them because "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." It's not so much important that we do the right things, but that we do the right things for the right reasons because God is looking at our hearts.

If you have found yourself in the position of being a Sanctified Snitch, seek forgiveness, repent, and from now on focus on "the heart of the matter." If you have found yourself in the position of being hurt by a Sanctified Snitch, forgive and speak the Word, knowing that the Word says in Romans 12:19, "... for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." Remember yall, He wants your heart!!!!

<3 yall! God bless!

vulnerABILITY

For as long as I can remember, the word vulnerability went right up there with the list of 4 letter words my mom told me never to say. It was literally a bad word to me. I deferred formulating my opinion until after seeking the wise counsel of my old faithful friends Merriam-Webster, and let me tell you, they did not help. They described vulnerability as being:

capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage

The word even originates the Latin word that means, to wound. So that sealed the deal for me. Being vulnerable was the equivalent to opening myself up to being wounded and who in their right mind would want that? 

So life went on, but as an adult (especially as a therapist) numerous people tried to convince me that there was a problem with the walls and barriers that I had up blocking people from getting to know the real me. However, in my mind the thought of opening myself up to attack was absurd. Then, about 6 months ago I met a woman who made me change my mind...

Turn with me in your Bibles to Mark 14, verses 3-9.

(FYI this story is also told in Matthew 26:6-13 and John 12:1-11 just in case you need other references.)

And it reads:

Mark 14:3-9

New International Version (NIV)

 3 While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

 4 Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? 5 It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages[a] and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.

   6 “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7 The poor you will always have with you,[b] and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8 She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9 Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”

John 12:1-8

New International Version (NIV)

John 12

Jesus Anointed at Bethany

 1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. 3 Then Mary took about a pint[a]of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, 5 “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.[b]” 6 He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

   7 “Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. 8 You will always have the poor among you,[c] but you will not always have me.”

Now I've heard this scripture referenced plenty of times before and I had even read it several times myself but about 6 months ago I was doing an assignment for my Ministers in Training class and I ran across it again but this time was different. (Thank God for revelation.) So in this passage is Mary, Lazarus's sister, anoints Jesus with oil. I put two passages here because both are relevant. Okay, so here was my thought process while reading this passage...

So basically Jesus is reclined, chilling at the table eating and Mary walks up on Him with this alabaster box full of perfume. She then proceeds to anoint his feet (according to John 12) with the perfume and to wipe his feet with her hair.

1.   This perfume was expensive. It was worth a year's wages!!! So I thought about it and I reasoned, Well it is Jesus. I can understand spending a year's wages on Him.

2.   

















Then, she wiped his feet with her hair. Now this is where it got me. Real talk, I don't care if you're White, Black, Latino, Asian, Armenian, whatever, hair is crucial! Women care about their hair, whether it's short, long, nappy, curly, or fine so the fact that she was willing to let down her hair to wipe His feet with it was beyond my comprehension for a second because, "This hair right here! This hair right here!!!" (Kat Williams voice). My first thoughts were, No sir! First of all, I don't do feet. Second of all I'm messing up my hair to wipe perfume on this dude's feet. Oh uh uh! (in my ghetto voice.) Don't judge me. Lol.)










True story, last week I had to spend the night at the doctor's office in order to do a sleep study (don't ask no questions.) Now I knew that they had to attach me to all these wires and everything so that they could monitor me while I was sleeping but it wasn't until the technician started attaching the wires to my face that I realized, Hold on. This lady is talking about attaching wires to my head. What about my hair!?! That's when the questions started flying out of my mouth. "Um, ma'am, are these things going to pull my hair out?" The answer was no, okay, sigh of relief, next question. "Ma'am I see you applying cream before you attach the wires, does this mean that I will have to wash my hair to get this stuff out?" That's when she reluctantly told me, "Um yes, you will have to wash your hair to get it out." Now let her have told me that the day after a hair appointment, I would have shut the entire sleep study down! Ain't no way I was going to mess up my hair just so they could run some tests! (Fortunately for her I was planning to get my hair done in the next two days so I went on and did the tests. Lol.) That story just goes to show how much women care about their hair (well this woman anyway). I was willing to postpone the sleep study it meant keeping my hair looking right. (Remember, don't judge me. I know I'm not the only one who would have done that.) :-)

Now I'm sure back in the day Mary wasn't making appointments to have her hair washed and flat ironed but this act that she did was significant in a different way. Women back then did not even unbind their hair in public. So the fact that she even took down her hair in public opened her up to being ridiculed, opened her up to being attacked, made her vulnerable. 

So wait. In order for Mary to enter into a deeper level of worship she had to make herself vulnerable? 

Yes. Mary did something that opened her up to being attacked and attack they did. Judas Iscariot and his two-faced self was the first to start hating. "Why didn't you sell this perfume and give the money to the poor?" Then the others started hating talking about what a waste it was to use the perfume for that purpose. Think about what that did to Mary emotionally. Here she was thinking that she was doing a good thing for Jesus and immediately she got talked about for doing so. Oh, but then Jesus came into the conversation! "Leave her alone."

That just reminds me of seeing kids on the playground and a group of kids is teasing one kid but then another big kid steps in and defends the kid that is being teased. Jesus stepped in to Mary's defense and immediately all the hating ceased. Jesus even went on to say that Mary would forever be remembered for what she did and that people would know of her everywhere the gospel is preached throughout the world. Wow! Do you think that Mary felt making herself vulnerable was worth it?

It was from seeing Mary in that story that I begin to get a new understanding of the concept of vulnerability. Yes, being vulnerable means that I may get physically or emotionally hurt and yes it means that I may be opening myself up to attack but in some instances vulnerability is necessary. In order for Mary to go deeper in worship, vulnerability was necessary. In life today, in order for us to go deeper in our relationships with others, vulnerability is necessary. You can't let somebody get to know you if you have walls up. Sometimes it's necessary to take those walls down. In order for you to take the next step in that business venture God has placed inside of you vulnerability is necessary. Look at the celebrities of today. While millions may love them and the work that they do, there are plenty of people who are hating and while it may not be true for many of them, Jesus has your back!!! People WILL hate when you begin to step into the things God has called you to do but don't worry, God has the last word and He will step in, defend you, and then make your name great for the beautiful things that you did. 

So, friends, my hope today is that you are able to change your mind about the negative stigma that is usually associated with vulnerability. I am not saying that you should open yourself up to anybody and everything, please use wisdom and pray for discernment. I'm just saying that sometimes vulnerability is necessary and that if you are willing to make yourself vulnerable for the purpose of serving the Lord, God will not only defend you but He will reward you. 

I love you guys and I hope y’all have been blessed by this. :-)