So yall already know I'm a therapist. So in my professional capacity when I have a therapy session its formal, I mean informal because I'm me but I follow protocol. They come once a week (or whatever timeframe we agree to) and tell me what's up in their lives and I help them to come to conclusions and resolutions for the things that are occurring in their life and that's it. Outside the therapy room if I ran into them in the streets you wouldn't even know that I knew them unless they acknowledge me first. We're not friends. We don't hang out together. I'm just the person that they come to to talk about their problems, nothing more, nothing less.
I'm biased but I think that therapists are important. So many times people have issues and their lives and they hold it all inside because of their culture, or being afraid what people might say, or their own personal reasons and I think that counseling provides an outlet for them to address their issues rather than allowing everything to remain on the inside. Then there's people who are open enough to share their issues with their friends but they may not be able to come to the resolutions that they need to with their friends' help. Sometimes you tell your friends something and they're like, "Yeah girl that sucks." Okay, well I already knew it sucked before I told you, now what? In this situation a therapist can not only empathize with you but he/she can set goals with you to help you to overcome whatever it is.
All I'm saying is that friends and family are great and sometimes it's enough to go to them with your issues, but sometimes it's not and that's where people like me come in. I'm sooooooo happy to see that going to counseling is becoming more popular in American culture, especially African American culture. Tiny went to see someone on her reality show, Tiny and Toya, T.O. went to see a therapist on his show, Bethanny (idk if I'm spelling her name right, whatever) goes to a therapist regularly on her show, Bethanny Getting Married, the head lady on Keeping Up With The Joneses (I can't think of her name right now) went to go see a therapist. (Man, it's really sad how much reality TV I watch, geez. SMH.) Anyway, 3/4 of those people are Black so yeah seeing a therapist when necessary is what's hot. Come on, imagine sitting for an hour and just being allowed to talk about what's going on with you. It's all about you and you get to talk, vent, yell, cry, whatever while the other person listens and (unless you said something off the wall like you're gonna kill somebody or yourself of something) they can't tell anybody. Sounds great huh? I know. So don't be scurred. If something is going on in your life and you feel that you need counseling go for it. It can't hurt and although it's not likely you'll get someone as tight as me you can always hope, JK, JK, LOL. No, but real talk, I think that it's important for people to get over their false misconceptions about therapy and actually get down to solving their problems and resolving their issues. So in conclusion, "get yo mind right playa," literally. =)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friends, How Many of Us Have Them...
Do yall even remember that song? Friends, how many of us have them? Friends, ones we can depend on. It's a song by Whodini... I'm pretty sure it's from the 80s... Whatever, if you know it great, if you don't I'll put the youtube video at the bottom so you can hear it. The song is talking about some real stuff and I feel that it's still relevant 20+ years later.
So in case you haven't figured it out today, tonight rather, I'm writing about friends. I had to give a talk to some little girls a couple of weeks ago about friends and I think my talk sucked. Well, let me take that back, I don't think I sucked because everything I said was true and relevant, but I don't feel like it was real. I don't think I was being my true self when I got up there and began talking. I don't know what was going on in my mind, if it was the venue, or I was intimidated by some of the other adults there, whatever it was, I was tripping and I'm still upset because whatever I do, whenever I do it, I need to feel comfortable enough to stand up and be me. Anyways, I will consider this blog post my "do over" and hopefully in the future I won't ever have to sit back and regret not being myself at a speaking engagement... Geez.
Aight, so if there's one thing that I know about it's friends, not because I'm a therapist, not because I read the Bible and I've read the Biblical qualifications a friend should have, this is something I know because of personal experience. Don't let the age fool you, I've had friends of all colors, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, ages, sexual orientations... you get the idea. I've had really really good friends, the kind that would jump over a table in the club to have my back (true story) and then I've had some not so good friends (I'll just leave those stories out to protect the guilty, you're welcome.)
I can remember every best friend I've ever had from the age of 5 on and I can also remember every friend that I've thought was a best friend who ended up being a lying, two-faced, ratchet... well I digress. Today I can honestly say that I'm grateful for every friend (and I use that term lightly) that I've ever had. The bad friendships that I've had have helped me to learn valuable lessons about what not to do in the future as well as appreciate the good friends that I have today. As for my good friends... I think this is where I'll put my focus for this post. As entertaining as it would be for me to give you stories about the bad ones I think it's much more relevant for me to talk about the good ones so that you can have the opportunity to recognize and appreciate the good friends that you have (and maybe those who aren't so good that you still hang out with.)
Aight, I have lots of people who fit in the category friend in my life. I have people who I was super close to "back in the day when I was young" who I might not talk to too much today but who remain in that category because of who they were to me. I have former classmates and coworkers who might not know my innermost thoughts and dreams but are fun people who I enjoy hanging out with. I have people who think they are my friends who really aren't who I allow to think that they are because I somewhat agree with the adage to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." So there's all kinds of people in my life and in the midst of all of them there are my real friends. These are the people I consider to be family who I would not want to imagine living without. These are the people who talk to about everything and nothing and who accept me flaws and all who contribute to making me a better person. I'm sure that you have some of all of the above as well but these people, each and every person who fits in the friend category of my life, these are the people that I'm thinking of now as I make this list of: 5 Things You Should Know About Friends.
#1- All Friends Are Not Created Equal
Imma be for real and let you know that I have a hierarchy of friends. Let's look at it like a pyramid. I have a whole bunch of people on the bottom of the pyramid who are technically my friends but they're more like associates. If I run into them in the streets I'll speak but that's about all it is between us and probably all that it's ever gon' be. Then if you go up a little bit on the hierarchy you get to people I know. These are people who actually know my first and last name. They might know a little bit about me. They probably know my phone number and we probably talk a couple of times a year. There's more levels but as you go up the number of people on that level gets smaller and smaller and that's how it should be. Everybody you know should not know every detail of your life. This means you shouldn't put everything you do on Twitter where anybody and everybody can read it. You shouldn't have a Facebook status talking about how you and your Boo are having problems. Be smart people, everybody is not best friend material therefore you should make sure that you don't set yourself up to be hurt by someone you considered a best friend who really deserved to be an associate.
#2- Birds of a Feather Really Do Flock Together
Once upon a time I used to think that who I was friends with really didn't matter. It didn't matter if they did things that I didn't necessarily agree with or lived certain lifestyles that I knew weren't right or if they were rude people or if they didn't have a relationship with God... Um, WRONG! That stuff matters. You might not agree with everything your friends do with their lives and that's fine but if they're just in general not a good person why would you be friends with them in the first place? It matters who you're friends with because people tend to be like the people they hang out with. That means if your friend cusses 24/7 and you don't, don't be surprised if the more you hang out with them you start cussing too; and I'm not just saying that sometimes bad habits can rub off, good habits can rub off too. All I'm saying is, if you're a good person and you're trying to live a life that's right with God then surround yourself with people who are trying to do the same thing. It only makes sense.
#3- Friendships Take Time
Don't base your opinion on someone solely on first impressions. Many times people are trying to put their best foot forward in the beginning and you won't see who they really are until later. If you're thinking about making someone your BFF after knowing them for five seconds, don't. It takes time to get to know people, but once they show you who they really are Believe them! I will tell you from personal experience several of my closest friendships today started off with either me not liking them or them not liking me, however, once we got to know each other then we allowed our friendships to develop. Take your time, if they're a real friend then they're not going anywhere.
4- No Friend Is Perfect Therefore No Friendship Is Perfect
No matter how much you love your friend and they claim to love you, at some point there's going to be some discord and this is to be expected. So many people have unrealistic expectations for people and relationships in their lives. Take it from me, I've had some kind of conflict with every close friend I've ever had. Granted, some conflicts have been bigger than others but today when conflict arises in my friendship I'm not devastated because I know that at some point it's bound to happen. Do yourself a favor and accept that no one is perfect and no friendship is perfect so when conflict arises you are able to talk about it and work through it. After all, many friendships become stronger after going through something.
5- Best Friends, Yes; Best Friends Forever, Not So Much
I know what it is to have a friend that you think is the "best you ever had" and you just think that yall will be friends forever and then the friendship ends up not working out. It happens. Friends fall off with each other for whatever reason and that's just something that we have to learn to accept. I think that it's important to recognize that some people come into your life for a season while others come into your life for a lifetime and we shouldn't try to hang on to seasonal friends once their season is over.
Aight, those are my 5 things. Those would have been relevant for some little girls (I say little girls they were age 8-18) to hear. See my talk could have been so simple but I made it hard. Anyways, there it is, my "redo." I like it much better than the original. =)
Anyways, I'm blessed today to have wonderful people on every level of my hierarchy of friends and I pray that you have the same as well. As promised here's Whodini with one of the realest songs ever written: Friends.
So in case you haven't figured it out today, tonight rather, I'm writing about friends. I had to give a talk to some little girls a couple of weeks ago about friends and I think my talk sucked. Well, let me take that back, I don't think I sucked because everything I said was true and relevant, but I don't feel like it was real. I don't think I was being my true self when I got up there and began talking. I don't know what was going on in my mind, if it was the venue, or I was intimidated by some of the other adults there, whatever it was, I was tripping and I'm still upset because whatever I do, whenever I do it, I need to feel comfortable enough to stand up and be me. Anyways, I will consider this blog post my "do over" and hopefully in the future I won't ever have to sit back and regret not being myself at a speaking engagement... Geez.
Aight, so if there's one thing that I know about it's friends, not because I'm a therapist, not because I read the Bible and I've read the Biblical qualifications a friend should have, this is something I know because of personal experience. Don't let the age fool you, I've had friends of all colors, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, ages, sexual orientations... you get the idea. I've had really really good friends, the kind that would jump over a table in the club to have my back (true story) and then I've had some not so good friends (I'll just leave those stories out to protect the guilty, you're welcome.)
I can remember every best friend I've ever had from the age of 5 on and I can also remember every friend that I've thought was a best friend who ended up being a lying, two-faced, ratchet... well I digress. Today I can honestly say that I'm grateful for every friend (and I use that term lightly) that I've ever had. The bad friendships that I've had have helped me to learn valuable lessons about what not to do in the future as well as appreciate the good friends that I have today. As for my good friends... I think this is where I'll put my focus for this post. As entertaining as it would be for me to give you stories about the bad ones I think it's much more relevant for me to talk about the good ones so that you can have the opportunity to recognize and appreciate the good friends that you have (and maybe those who aren't so good that you still hang out with.)
Aight, I have lots of people who fit in the category friend in my life. I have people who I was super close to "back in the day when I was young" who I might not talk to too much today but who remain in that category because of who they were to me. I have former classmates and coworkers who might not know my innermost thoughts and dreams but are fun people who I enjoy hanging out with. I have people who think they are my friends who really aren't who I allow to think that they are because I somewhat agree with the adage to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." So there's all kinds of people in my life and in the midst of all of them there are my real friends. These are the people I consider to be family who I would not want to imagine living without. These are the people who talk to about everything and nothing and who accept me flaws and all who contribute to making me a better person. I'm sure that you have some of all of the above as well but these people, each and every person who fits in the friend category of my life, these are the people that I'm thinking of now as I make this list of: 5 Things You Should Know About Friends.
#1- All Friends Are Not Created Equal
Imma be for real and let you know that I have a hierarchy of friends. Let's look at it like a pyramid. I have a whole bunch of people on the bottom of the pyramid who are technically my friends but they're more like associates. If I run into them in the streets I'll speak but that's about all it is between us and probably all that it's ever gon' be. Then if you go up a little bit on the hierarchy you get to people I know. These are people who actually know my first and last name. They might know a little bit about me. They probably know my phone number and we probably talk a couple of times a year. There's more levels but as you go up the number of people on that level gets smaller and smaller and that's how it should be. Everybody you know should not know every detail of your life. This means you shouldn't put everything you do on Twitter where anybody and everybody can read it. You shouldn't have a Facebook status talking about how you and your Boo are having problems. Be smart people, everybody is not best friend material therefore you should make sure that you don't set yourself up to be hurt by someone you considered a best friend who really deserved to be an associate.
#2- Birds of a Feather Really Do Flock Together
Once upon a time I used to think that who I was friends with really didn't matter. It didn't matter if they did things that I didn't necessarily agree with or lived certain lifestyles that I knew weren't right or if they were rude people or if they didn't have a relationship with God... Um, WRONG! That stuff matters. You might not agree with everything your friends do with their lives and that's fine but if they're just in general not a good person why would you be friends with them in the first place? It matters who you're friends with because people tend to be like the people they hang out with. That means if your friend cusses 24/7 and you don't, don't be surprised if the more you hang out with them you start cussing too; and I'm not just saying that sometimes bad habits can rub off, good habits can rub off too. All I'm saying is, if you're a good person and you're trying to live a life that's right with God then surround yourself with people who are trying to do the same thing. It only makes sense.
#3- Friendships Take Time
Don't base your opinion on someone solely on first impressions. Many times people are trying to put their best foot forward in the beginning and you won't see who they really are until later. If you're thinking about making someone your BFF after knowing them for five seconds, don't. It takes time to get to know people, but once they show you who they really are Believe them! I will tell you from personal experience several of my closest friendships today started off with either me not liking them or them not liking me, however, once we got to know each other then we allowed our friendships to develop. Take your time, if they're a real friend then they're not going anywhere.
4- No Friend Is Perfect Therefore No Friendship Is Perfect
No matter how much you love your friend and they claim to love you, at some point there's going to be some discord and this is to be expected. So many people have unrealistic expectations for people and relationships in their lives. Take it from me, I've had some kind of conflict with every close friend I've ever had. Granted, some conflicts have been bigger than others but today when conflict arises in my friendship I'm not devastated because I know that at some point it's bound to happen. Do yourself a favor and accept that no one is perfect and no friendship is perfect so when conflict arises you are able to talk about it and work through it. After all, many friendships become stronger after going through something.
5- Best Friends, Yes; Best Friends Forever, Not So Much
I know what it is to have a friend that you think is the "best you ever had" and you just think that yall will be friends forever and then the friendship ends up not working out. It happens. Friends fall off with each other for whatever reason and that's just something that we have to learn to accept. I think that it's important to recognize that some people come into your life for a season while others come into your life for a lifetime and we shouldn't try to hang on to seasonal friends once their season is over.
Aight, those are my 5 things. Those would have been relevant for some little girls (I say little girls they were age 8-18) to hear. See my talk could have been so simple but I made it hard. Anyways, there it is, my "redo." I like it much better than the original. =)
Anyways, I'm blessed today to have wonderful people on every level of my hierarchy of friends and I pray that you have the same as well. As promised here's Whodini with one of the realest songs ever written: Friends.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
On Time God
Back in the day when I was young Dottie Peoples had this song, "He's An On Time God." It was all over the radio and churches big and small had their choirs singing it. People all over LOVED that song. I wasn't one of them, LOL. I mean I thought the song was okay... I liked how she told a story through the verses... The song was just so old school to me, and not in a good way. Even when it was new it still felt old to me... I was super young then and to me it was just not what was hot.
Today, I can appreciate the song in a way that I couldn't before. When the song came out I hadn't experienced enough in my life to personally know God as being "an on time God." Now I understand why this song used to get everybody in the church out of their seat. I'll spare you the details of my life that have led me to this personal revelation but I will say this, "He's an on time God. He's an on time God. He's an on time God. Yes, yes, yeaaahhhhhh, yes He is!" :-)
Today, I can appreciate the song in a way that I couldn't before. When the song came out I hadn't experienced enough in my life to personally know God as being "an on time God." Now I understand why this song used to get everybody in the church out of their seat. I'll spare you the details of my life that have led me to this personal revelation but I will say this, "He's an on time God. He's an on time God. He's an on time God. Yes, yes, yeaaahhhhhh, yes He is!" :-)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Settling Down
Recently I've struggled to empathize with my friends and the issues that they encounter in their romantic relationships. For several of my friends, I'm the person that they turn to to talk about the happenings with their boos. Don't get me wrong, I love love love being the one that they turn to and I appreciate the fact that they care enough to tell me anything at all about their personal lives. However, the more serious they get in their relationships the harder it is for me to relate.
At this point in my life I can't understand wanting to give up single life in order to share my life with someone else. (For what it's worth I've never been too keen on sharing. LOL.) It's crazy too because once upon a time I was obsessed the thought of being married. I sit here and laugh today at how much my priorities have changed. I can remember at one point telling my friends that if given the choice between pursuing a career or getting married and having kids I would choose the latter. Without hesitation or a second thought I would have chose the latter. Now getting married is probably one of the last things on my mind while getting my career off the ground is one of the 1st. However, all around me more and more of my friends are making the decision to "settle down." It's crazy to see some of my friends (many of whom are the same age of me) not only as husbands or wives but also as parents. My, my, my how things change...
Last Friday I ran into one of my old friends from high school. We hadn't seen each other in YEARS so I was really happy to see her. We sat down and discussed the current state our lives but for me nothing had really changed since the last time I'd seen her. I'm still single and still in school. What can I say, I'm still the "same ol' G"LOL. I was surprised to hear how much her life had changed though.
She confessed that she had settled down since the last time I'd seen her. My little party girl friend is now working on getting her certification to become a teacher. She said when she met her boyfriend she decided to calm down on all the partying and now her focus is on her family, her boo, work, and school. When she told me that they'd even bought a house together I was shocked. I would have never guessed that she would have changed her lifestyle so much so quickly and at such a young age (she's 21/22.) It started me to thinking though...
I decided that my new quest would be to get a better understanding of why people make the decision to settle down. I started wondering, how does it happen? What happens in a person's life to make them want to settle down? Is it that they meet someone and that person makes them want to settle down or is it that they make the decision to settle down and then they meet someone to settle down with? I felt that it was probably a little bit of both. I even asked for the opinion of several of my friends who are in semi-serious relationships and they agreed. So at that point I had the answer to my questions but there was still a part of me that felt that I couldn't fully comprehend why people make the decision to settle down, especially at my age.
The way I see/saw it is that it's fun to be single. I like having the freedom to be able to do whatever, whenever, without worrying about having to answer to anyone, cater to anyone, or compromise with anyone. It's fun and exciting to meet new dudes and establish new friendships, especially when they turn out to be someone that you actually enjoy hanging out with and you grow to care about, but for me that's all I think/thought I needed- at least for right now anyway. Then something happened that put it all into perspective for me...
Last weekend I went to this place that I go to regularly. (I know some of you might want to know where I was. Don't ask no questions, LOL. When I leave out details I do so on purpose. I be trying to tell yall stories without making it too easy for yall to figure out who/what/when/where/why I'm talking about it. :-))
So yeah, I went to this place that I go to all the time. I recognized most of the people who were there because they're usuals as well but there were several faces that I'd never seen before. I was chilling in my normal spot when all of a sudden I saw this boy across the room. He wasn't a familiar face but he seemed to be the life of the party. It seemed that all eyes were on him, mine included.
I couldn't figure out why I didn't know him. This was one of those places where everybody knows everybody for the most part so in my mind I was like, where did he come from? I sat up a little bit straighter just in case he looked in my direction and leaned over and asked the person beside me casually, "Who is that?" She told me he was a friend of one of the usuals and that she'd seen him there before. "Oh okay," I responded trying to play it off like I was indifferent but I was definitely attracted to him. I couldn't put my finger on what it was about him that attracted me to him at first but then I realized that he "remind[ed] me of a boy that I once knew..." but not only that, he reminded me of a time in my life (long ago and so far away) back when I had wanted to "settle down."
I had remembered wanting so desperately to be married when I was younger but I had forgotten that at the time there was someone I could actually see myself being married to. Mr. Man, I'll call him, was everything that I had ever prayed for in a partner and even some things I hadn't even thought to pray for. The way that I felt about him is something that I won't even attempt to articulate in words, however, I will say that I've never felt that way about anyone before him and I haven't felt that way about anyone since him. I would look at him and I could see forever. I felt like he fit in my life in a way that no one else would, could, or should. And he wasn't perfect, as no man is, but I saw past his imperfections and I saw his potential...
I won't bore you about Mr. Man because I could probably babble about about him for hours if not days and he isn't too relevant because obviously we didn't turn out Happily Ever After... Let's just say that my quest for understanding ended at the onset of seeing Mr. YouRemindMe who reminded me of Mr. Man. I can't even believe that I've gotten so caught up in life and so far away from love that I forgot how it felt to not only want to settle down but to also have felt that you found the person you want to settle down with. Don't worry, I'm not any closer to wanting to give up the single life than I was before I began this little search for understanding, however, I end this particular journey feeling like I will be able to be a better friend now that I am able to empathize more with what my friends are going through. Also, although I'm not in a hurry to rush love I will appreciate it more when it comes knowing that it does not come along that often.
So for all of you who have made the decision to settle down and you've been fortunate enough to find the person to settle down with, Yay for you! I'm genuinely happy for you and I wish you the best. However, for now I'm happy just being "the same ol' [single] G." LOL. :-)
At this point in my life I can't understand wanting to give up single life in order to share my life with someone else. (For what it's worth I've never been too keen on sharing. LOL.) It's crazy too because once upon a time I was obsessed the thought of being married. I sit here and laugh today at how much my priorities have changed. I can remember at one point telling my friends that if given the choice between pursuing a career or getting married and having kids I would choose the latter. Without hesitation or a second thought I would have chose the latter. Now getting married is probably one of the last things on my mind while getting my career off the ground is one of the 1st. However, all around me more and more of my friends are making the decision to "settle down." It's crazy to see some of my friends (many of whom are the same age of me) not only as husbands or wives but also as parents. My, my, my how things change...
Last Friday I ran into one of my old friends from high school. We hadn't seen each other in YEARS so I was really happy to see her. We sat down and discussed the current state our lives but for me nothing had really changed since the last time I'd seen her. I'm still single and still in school. What can I say, I'm still the "same ol' G"LOL. I was surprised to hear how much her life had changed though.
She confessed that she had settled down since the last time I'd seen her. My little party girl friend is now working on getting her certification to become a teacher. She said when she met her boyfriend she decided to calm down on all the partying and now her focus is on her family, her boo, work, and school. When she told me that they'd even bought a house together I was shocked. I would have never guessed that she would have changed her lifestyle so much so quickly and at such a young age (she's 21/22.) It started me to thinking though...
I decided that my new quest would be to get a better understanding of why people make the decision to settle down. I started wondering, how does it happen? What happens in a person's life to make them want to settle down? Is it that they meet someone and that person makes them want to settle down or is it that they make the decision to settle down and then they meet someone to settle down with? I felt that it was probably a little bit of both. I even asked for the opinion of several of my friends who are in semi-serious relationships and they agreed. So at that point I had the answer to my questions but there was still a part of me that felt that I couldn't fully comprehend why people make the decision to settle down, especially at my age.
The way I see/saw it is that it's fun to be single. I like having the freedom to be able to do whatever, whenever, without worrying about having to answer to anyone, cater to anyone, or compromise with anyone. It's fun and exciting to meet new dudes and establish new friendships, especially when they turn out to be someone that you actually enjoy hanging out with and you grow to care about, but for me that's all I think/thought I needed- at least for right now anyway. Then something happened that put it all into perspective for me...
Last weekend I went to this place that I go to regularly. (I know some of you might want to know where I was. Don't ask no questions, LOL. When I leave out details I do so on purpose. I be trying to tell yall stories without making it too easy for yall to figure out who/what/when/where/why I'm talking about it. :-))
So yeah, I went to this place that I go to all the time. I recognized most of the people who were there because they're usuals as well but there were several faces that I'd never seen before. I was chilling in my normal spot when all of a sudden I saw this boy across the room. He wasn't a familiar face but he seemed to be the life of the party. It seemed that all eyes were on him, mine included.
I couldn't figure out why I didn't know him. This was one of those places where everybody knows everybody for the most part so in my mind I was like, where did he come from? I sat up a little bit straighter just in case he looked in my direction and leaned over and asked the person beside me casually, "Who is that?" She told me he was a friend of one of the usuals and that she'd seen him there before. "Oh okay," I responded trying to play it off like I was indifferent but I was definitely attracted to him. I couldn't put my finger on what it was about him that attracted me to him at first but then I realized that he "remind[ed] me of a boy that I once knew..." but not only that, he reminded me of a time in my life (long ago and so far away) back when I had wanted to "settle down."
I had remembered wanting so desperately to be married when I was younger but I had forgotten that at the time there was someone I could actually see myself being married to. Mr. Man, I'll call him, was everything that I had ever prayed for in a partner and even some things I hadn't even thought to pray for. The way that I felt about him is something that I won't even attempt to articulate in words, however, I will say that I've never felt that way about anyone before him and I haven't felt that way about anyone since him. I would look at him and I could see forever. I felt like he fit in my life in a way that no one else would, could, or should. And he wasn't perfect, as no man is, but I saw past his imperfections and I saw his potential...
I won't bore you about Mr. Man because I could probably babble about about him for hours if not days and he isn't too relevant because obviously we didn't turn out Happily Ever After... Let's just say that my quest for understanding ended at the onset of seeing Mr. YouRemindMe who reminded me of Mr. Man. I can't even believe that I've gotten so caught up in life and so far away from love that I forgot how it felt to not only want to settle down but to also have felt that you found the person you want to settle down with. Don't worry, I'm not any closer to wanting to give up the single life than I was before I began this little search for understanding, however, I end this particular journey feeling like I will be able to be a better friend now that I am able to empathize more with what my friends are going through. Also, although I'm not in a hurry to rush love I will appreciate it more when it comes knowing that it does not come along that often.
So for all of you who have made the decision to settle down and you've been fortunate enough to find the person to settle down with, Yay for you! I'm genuinely happy for you and I wish you the best. However, for now I'm happy just being "the same ol' [single] G." LOL. :-)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Essence of Truly Being "Grown"
Jenny Solomon
photoxpress.com
So now that my birthday is quickly approaching I'm on this whole "act like a grownup" kick. Although I've technically been an adult for a while now and I would tell people to tried to talk crazy to me "You can't tell me nothin' I'm grown," looong before my 18th birthday, I recognize now that I'm not as grown as I thought I was. I wondered though, What does it mean to be grown? What does being grown even look like? I googled it of course and the first definition I found described being grown as being "fully mature." I liked the definition but it proved what I only suspected before, I am far from truly being grown.
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Recently I've been having Brian McKnight moments. Yall know what I'm talking about. Those "do I ever cross your mind anytime" kind of moments. Let me clarify though; it wasn't as crucial to me as it was to Mr. McKnight. I wasn't "crying myself to sleep... wondering about tomorrow, won't you come back to me..." None of that. However, weekend before last I started thinking about this boy... I had seen someone who looked like him and it reminded me of him. Let's call him Church Boy.
Church Boy and I grew up together. We went to church together. We went to school together. I saw him often and we were friends. I remember either my freshman or sophomore year in high school he showed up at my locker with flowers and candy for Valentine's Day, trying to be my valentine. I thought that that was super cute of him but I didn't really like him like that so we remained friends. Anyway, after I saw Boy Who Looks Like Him I was like, Hmm. Why aren't Church Boy and I friends? I live here. He lives here. We could hang out.
So it became my life's mission to find him. Okay, okay, it wasn't that serious but I did want to find a way to contact him and see what was up with us hanging out. (For those of you who are wondering, no I did not have a change of heart and suddenly realize that I couldn't live without him. I just wanted to catch up with an old friend. Period. The end.) So you can imagine my excitement (and surprise) when less than a week later I ran into him at Wal-Mart.
I noticed him before he noticed me so I left all my stuff where it was in the self check-out line and I walked over to him and said hello. It was one of those typical greetings after not seeing someone for years. There was a surprised, "Hey!"then a "hey" back. Hug. I'm sure that hug would have been followed by a short question and answer session. How are you? What you been up to? Blah, blah, blah, but I had to get back to my stuff just in case some clown tried to snatch my purse so I went back to the line and quickly checked out my stuff hoping that I would finish before he did so I could go back over and talk to him.
Checking out my stuff took longer than expected and then I ended up helping the little old lady behind me in line. I knew he had to be long gone by then but when I turned around he was standing there waiting for me, smiling. He commented about me and my dress and it reminded me of the days we used to joke around in high school. I was definitely not expecting the next thing that came out of his mouth.
"So what's been up with you," I asked. "My son was just born yesterday," he beamed. It was at that moment I saw the hospital bracelet on his left hand and the bag holding the baby headrest for the car seat in his right. It was also at that moment that I realized that my little plan for us to become buddies was not gon' happen, LOL. He had his own new little baby buddy and a baby momma to hang out with so he definitely did not need me.
I will admit I was a little disappointed that he wasn't going to become my newest BFF but more than that I was soooooooooooooooo genuinely happy for him. Wow. A baby. As I stood there and looked at baby pictures on his phone I wondered how life would have been different I had let him be my valentine all those years ago...
* * *
Fast forward to tonight. I stumbled across the ESPYs on ESPN and I got sooo excited. I sat there watching all of the athletes and entertainers and in my mind I drifted back to the days when I was young... Yall, I wanted to be an athlete sooooooooo bad when I was younger. I did have the body of an athlete in high school but unfortunately I lacked the skills I so longed to have. I had always excelled academically but sports, especially basketball, was always a challenge for me.
I remember the summer before my junior year in high school I had made up my mind that I was going to be a starter. I woke up at the crack of dawn every morning and headed to the basketball court and I didn't go home until the street lights came on. I even dreamt about basketball at night. By the time I went back to school I was black as tar from being out in the sun all day everyday but more importantly than that I finally felt that I had the confidence and the skills I needed to excel. Although Coach hadn't said anything officially, by the time we got to the practice before our first game I felt that not only would I be starting but I might even be up for the position of Team Captain. It was in that practice I shattered my finger and with that shattered my dream of finally being a real athlete. I still wonder from time to time how my life would have been different if I hadn't shattered my finger all those years ago...
* * *
Although I may never know all the answers to the question of what it truly means to be grown, if you ask me today, right now, I would answer: Being grown is being able to look at your life and recognizing that you are exactly where you need to be, at the exact time you need to be there, with the people you need to be there with.
In life there will always be what ifs and I'm sure that you too might run across someone someday that will make you wonder, "Do I ever cross you mind anytime?" However, I feel like the difference between someone who is grown and someone who isn't is that a grown person can look at her life and accept the things that God has allowed. She can accept the place where she is in life, while still always seeking to improve. She can accept and appreciate the people who are currently in her life while also accepting and appreciating the people who may no longer be for whatever reason. She can accept God's timing and diligently and patiently seek Him until the season she is praying/hoping for comes around.
So as I continue on my journey I am hoping to get to the point where I no longer will have to "act like a grownup" because I will be one, fully mature in every sense of the word, however, for now I remain the ungrown grownup on a quest to grow up. ;-) Luv u guys. God bless!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Revelation
Last night when I went to see one of my friends she casually slipped a CD into my hand. The CD contained a sermon with the message, "Fasting For Your Mate." (I guess at this point my friend figures that I need all the help that I can get, LOL. Just kidding. =) ). I graciously took the CD and after returning home later that night I took the time to listen to it.
It was great. The pastor used the story of Issac and Rebecca to relay his message about the importance of including God in the process of finding your mate. I listened to the sermon and took notes but after I did so I still felt like I was missing something... I was already familiar with the story of how Issac and Rebecca came to be together and I am well aware of the importance of including God in the process of finding my mate. It was nice to be reminded of these things and the pastor was quite an eloquent speaker but after everything was said and done I still yearned for a more. I felt like I needed a more specific Word, a Word just for me that was relevant to my current situation, because after the listening to the sermon I was still left with the question in my mind, "God, what are you trying to tell me?" So I prayed and I asked God just that and He answered me. Now by sharing with you my own actions I am going to provide you a list of things not to do when requesting revelation from God. (Yall please don't be like me, LOL.)
God took me in my Bible to 1 Timothy 3. Now I've read this particular passage a million times so before I even turned there I remembered that it was about overseers and deacons. So my first reaction was, Jesus, I'm sitting here asking you about a man and you're taking me to a scripture about some deacons?
#1-Don't ask God to show you something then start asking questions and tripping before He even has the opportunity to reveal whatever He's trying to reveal to you. He's God. He knows what He's doing. Just trust Him.
It didn't make sense to me at first but I knew God had led me specifically to that scripture so I prepared to start reading. Now you can look at my Bible and tell if I've read a particular passage or not because if I have then the words are all underlined and circled with notes all in the margins. So because I've read this scripture so much the entire page is marked up and underlined. I started reading but as soon as I got to verse 2 and it started mentioning an overseer I started just skimming over the words so that I could quickly get to the point which I was sure was farther down in the chapter.
#2- Don't rush when God is trying to show you something. Take your time so that you can get the full understanding of what He is trying to tell/show you.
He admonished me to stop acting like Speedy Gonzales and to start over and I did. 1 Timothy 3:1 (NIV) states,
"Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task."
Aight, so I read that verse and processed that for a second but then I asked myself the question, What exactly is an overseer? I knew that in the church an overseer is usually like the pastor, bishop, or some leader in the church but I decided to dictionary.com it just to make sure I wasn't missing anything. So I went to the website and popped in the word overseer and this is what came up:
–noun
a person who oversees; supervisor; manager:
—Synonyms
chief, head, boss, director.
That's when it clicked for me. It was like a lightbulb or an alarm clock or something went off in my head. It was like Ding! Ding! Ding! An overseer is the head and the man is the head of the woman so these positions are one and the same. When a man is looking for a woman he is looking for a helper but at the same time the woman is looking for an overseer or head. All of a sudden I was really excited because I kind of felt like as a woman I didn't have a lot to do with the whole selecting a mate process (besides fasting and praying and living right and stuff) because I wasn't a man so it wasn't my responsibility to be out looking for anybody. But Jesus broke it down and showed me that it's just like when you're searching for a job. The company is looking for somebody to fill a position because they need help but at the same time you should be looking for the right boss, supervisor, or head, cause nothing is worse than having a bad boss. When you take the time to think about it this man will be the spiritual/ physical head of your household so you would want to make sure that you choose wisely.
So now we can take it back to the scripture and verse 1 can be read like this, "If anyone sets his heart on being a head or husband, then he desires a noble task." Next you see all of the qualifications for an overseer starting in verse 2. There are a total of 15 qualifications listed in the next several verses and since we're looking at this as somewhat of a job description you need to let men know IF YOU DO NOT MEET THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR THE JOB YOU NEED NOT APPLY!!! Don't be trying to let a dude make it because he fine or because he has a 6-7 figure salary. You and I both know it doesn't matter if your boss is fine if he sucks at being a boss (but if he is fine that is always a plus, LOL.)
Now here are the qualifications:
1) above reproach- not deserving of blame or criticism
2) husband of but 1 wife- no "playas" allowed (if you know he is not a 1 woman man let him go)
3) temperate- moderate, self-restrained, not extreme
4) self-controlled
5) respectable
6) hospitable
7) able to teach
8) not given to drunkenness
9) not violent but gentle
10) not quarrelsome
11) not a lover of money
12) manages his own family well
13) sees that his children obey & respect him (these should be his values)
14) not a new Christian
15) good reputation with outsiders
Now if he is living a Godly, holy, Christian life then these qualifications shouldn't be too hard to meet, but if he's not then you should be on to the next one. So many times I hear of women who have a list for the qualities of what they think their man should have but here is one that God has provided for us. So if you're looking for a list to pray about this is it. (Don't trip either, because I'm not saying that appearance and attraction aren't important... I'm strictly looking at this from an overseer standpoint.)
In all, I'm grateful because God continues to show me and help me recognize that finding the man for me is much bigger than the superficial things I used to focus on in the past. My #1 fan and I always joke about dudes "putting in applications" to get with us but if we really think about it that's exactly what they're doing, LOL. Anyways, I thank God for His revelation and I would encourage you to seek Him, like earnestly seek Him to give you the answers for the questions in your life. Pray for wisdom, pray for understanding, pray for revelation because I am a witness that He will answer your prayers. God bless. =)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Small Beginnings
“Don’t despise small beginnings.” This is a popular phrase but it’s source may not be so familiar. It’s origin lies in the Bible in the book of Zechariah. Zechariah, a prophet, lived during the time period when the Jews had returned to Jerusalem after being held captive in Babylon. Zechariah was given the responsibility of providing spiritual encouragement to these seriously discouraged people. The Jews were free from captivity but before them was the daunting task of rebuilding God’s temple.
God gave Zechariah eight visions, each carrying a powerful message for His people. In chapter 4, Zechariah’s vision is specific to Zerubbabel, the man who was given the responsibility of managing the rebuilding of the temple. The original temple, built by King Solomon, was beautiful and grand, and after returning the Jews did not have the same resources available to them to rebuild the temple to such grand scale. Many of the older Jews were disappointed that the new temple would not match the splendor of the old one, however in verse 10 God says, “’Who despises the day of small things?’” God specifically chose Zerubbabel because he knew that through him the rebuilding of the temple would be done properly. God’s concern was not the size of the temple; He just wanted it to be completed correctly.
This passage teaches the lesson that when a God given opportunity presents itself, TAKE IT. It may not meet one’s expectations initially and the task may seem minimal or small but in actuality nothing is small with God. God is an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God and He sees the end of a thing before one even sees the beginning. Step out on faith and trust that God is willing and able to increase the seemingly small beginnings in one’s life.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
HE said, She said
OMG I just clicked on the site and realized it's been a week since my last post. I know my #1 fan is always disappointed when I take long breaks between posts so I'm making the random decision to just write. Usually I have somewhat of an idea of what I'm going to write or at least the point I want to make while writing but today I have none of the above. So today I'm being spontaneous and I'm spontaneous never so you let me know how it goes. =)
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If asked I would describe myself as the kind of person who seeks wise counsel often. Ooh, I like how that sounds. It makes it seem as if I constantly seek wisdom and not like I'm the indecisive, uptight- I mean cautious- person that I am. So the latest issue that I was seeking wise counsel on is yet again regarding a boy. I saw this dude recently who I had lost contact with several years agao and in my opinion I felt the conversation was uneventful. We spoke, gave each other super abridged updates on our life, and then went our separate ways. One of my friends inquired about the conversation and I told her what was said word for word. Immediately her countenance changed and she looked excited but almost upset with me. "Ohmigosh, he was soo trying to talk to you and you just shut him down." I couldn't figure out what the heck she was talking about. How did we have two completely different interpretations of the same conversation!?! I let her calm down and then listened to her explain her theory of what he was trying to say during our conversation and how he interpreted what I said. "You know boys are dumb. They can't just come out and say stuff and he tried to let you know he was interested and you completely shut him down." I felt my heart sink. OMG. What if she was right? What if I had missed my opportunity and the love that could have developed between us was lost forever??? Nah, she couldn't be right... and from there my new search for wise counsel commenced.
My first stop was my mom. I tend to trust her opinion because she sugar coats things for me never. Can you believe I got the same reaction my friend gave me and she was surprisingly more upset with me than my friend was. "You were probably so rude to him." I thought about it. Okay, maybe I was a little short with him but rude, no. "I know you. You probably had your face booted up and you were looking at him like, 'Why are you talking to me.'" I thought about that too. Okay, maybe in my mind I was thinking, "Why is he even talking to me," but that doesn't mean that that's how my face looked. I wasn't convinced. "Ma, how do you know?" "Because I know you and that's what I would have done!" Oh so here we were finally getting to the core of it. "So how you gon' be mad at me 'cause I act like you? It's your fault." She agreed so I won the "argument" but I still left the conversation feeling defeated. Was I really unknowingly rude to people? Were my thoughts really that transparent because they were written all over my face? Nah, she couldn't be right... and from there my search for wise counsel continued.
The next stop was my cousin. Once again I got the same reaction but at least she tried to be a little nicer about it, which actually made it even worse. The one person who doesn't even believe in calling dudes suggested that I call him. "Just call him one time though. After that it's all on him." What!?! Me calling him was out of the question and I let her know that. I even added on that I really didn't care, anyway. Now that was a lie but I was trying to make a point. It was then that she got really serious, "Yes you do. I can see it in your eyes. You want to go out and have fun and you want a boo to do it with." Well at that point I almost died or cried or both. I don't even know how I felt. Did I really look like a sad desperado w/ no boo? Uhh I couldn't take it. Everyone was saying exactly the same thing but it didn't make me feel any better about potentially contacting him. I talked to my old roommate from college and my Godmother she agreed with the rest so there was only one more stop to go. My oldest little brother who had the self-proclaimed title of being, "The Man."
This little clown is never to be taken seriously even when he is being serious but I was desperate so I listened. "Yeah, I once had a situation like that with a girl. I started talking to her again after a brief period of not talking to her and she got an attitude. You know how yall African American women do. She went off on me talking 'bout, 'Oh so now you want to talk to me!' I was like, 'That's a bet. I didn't want to talk to you anyway.' Why, cause I'm the man and I don't love these hos!" It was at that point I questioned whether it was wise to be be listening to this fool. "Nah but for real I didn't even know there was a problem with her. I know I had stopped talking to her but it took a lot of effort for me to even try to start talking to her again. Then she got an attitude... I know you had an attitude with that boy too. I know you and you're crazy. You should just text him. If it were me I would be like, ''Sup,' but since you're a girl you should say, "Wuz up." At that point I was 100% sure that it was not wise for me to be listening to him. At 22 years old he is technically a grown up I know that he is still far far from being a real grown man. Talking to him was pure comedy as usual but the fact that he mentioned that I acted like a stereotypical black girl did make me think...
After all of that I finally found someone who agreed with me, my older cousin. I consider her to be wise for real, after all she's been on this earth almost longer than my mom and I put together have been. She told me that my response to him was to be expected and that if he was truly interested in me he would make that known, therefore I should not contact him at all. I thought that someone finally agreeing with me would make me feel better but the uncertainty remained. I felt like the woman at the top of this page. I didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion. I just wanted peace.
It was at that point I made the decision to pray about it. To really pray about it too, not just the simple, "God what should I do" prayers that I had been praying before. When I prayed God answered. He reminded me of the role of a woman in a man's life and brought me all the way back to Adam and Eve. He revealed to me that when I finally get with the man I am supposed to be with he will not only want to be with me but he will need me. As women we are designed to be a helper for men, the Bible explains that very clearly in Genesis, so it is important for me to enter the man's life when he recognizes that he needs help, and not before. Then He reminded me of the fact that timing is everything. He brought me back to Moses and the children of Israel wandering around in the desert. The promise of entering the new land had already been made and they were already making their way there but some important things had to happen before they got there. They had to learn some things on their journey and certain people had to die before they reached their destination. God wanted to make sure that the right people with the right mindset were the ones to enter the promised land. The same rules apply for me today. I know there will be a man someday but in the meantime I have to learn some things and certain things have to die in my life before I am able to enter into the promised land/relationship. My wise council to whom I went for wise counsel pointed out some things about me that I'm not too happy about. I don't want to be seen as the stereotypical black girl who always has an attitude. I don't want to be seen as the unapproachable girl who is hard to talk to because she's so rude. I don't want to be seen as the sad girl who is desperate to find a man. In my mind that's not me therefore I don't want to be perceived as being that way and these are all things I can change (not the way others perceive me of course, but my behavior).
All of a sudden I felt so silly because I know I should of went to God first. I did with my "God what should I do prayer" but I should have went to him genuinely and earnestly, really seeking Him and what He had to say. That's what He's there for. He doesn't expect us to know which way to turn or what decisions to make so He makes himself available to reveal those things to us. It's our fault if we don't ask Him. I've had enough of that he said/ she said, my focus now is on what He said- period. I love, love, love my wise council but I will do my best to seek wise counsel from Him 1st from now on.
********************************************************************************************************
If asked I would describe myself as the kind of person who seeks wise counsel often. Ooh, I like how that sounds. It makes it seem as if I constantly seek wisdom and not like I'm the indecisive, uptight- I mean cautious- person that I am. So the latest issue that I was seeking wise counsel on is yet again regarding a boy. I saw this dude recently who I had lost contact with several years agao and in my opinion I felt the conversation was uneventful. We spoke, gave each other super abridged updates on our life, and then went our separate ways. One of my friends inquired about the conversation and I told her what was said word for word. Immediately her countenance changed and she looked excited but almost upset with me. "Ohmigosh, he was soo trying to talk to you and you just shut him down." I couldn't figure out what the heck she was talking about. How did we have two completely different interpretations of the same conversation!?! I let her calm down and then listened to her explain her theory of what he was trying to say during our conversation and how he interpreted what I said. "You know boys are dumb. They can't just come out and say stuff and he tried to let you know he was interested and you completely shut him down." I felt my heart sink. OMG. What if she was right? What if I had missed my opportunity and the love that could have developed between us was lost forever??? Nah, she couldn't be right... and from there my new search for wise counsel commenced.
My first stop was my mom. I tend to trust her opinion because she sugar coats things for me never. Can you believe I got the same reaction my friend gave me and she was surprisingly more upset with me than my friend was. "You were probably so rude to him." I thought about it. Okay, maybe I was a little short with him but rude, no. "I know you. You probably had your face booted up and you were looking at him like, 'Why are you talking to me.'" I thought about that too. Okay, maybe in my mind I was thinking, "Why is he even talking to me," but that doesn't mean that that's how my face looked. I wasn't convinced. "Ma, how do you know?" "Because I know you and that's what I would have done!" Oh so here we were finally getting to the core of it. "So how you gon' be mad at me 'cause I act like you? It's your fault." She agreed so I won the "argument" but I still left the conversation feeling defeated. Was I really unknowingly rude to people? Were my thoughts really that transparent because they were written all over my face? Nah, she couldn't be right... and from there my search for wise counsel continued.
The next stop was my cousin. Once again I got the same reaction but at least she tried to be a little nicer about it, which actually made it even worse. The one person who doesn't even believe in calling dudes suggested that I call him. "Just call him one time though. After that it's all on him." What!?! Me calling him was out of the question and I let her know that. I even added on that I really didn't care, anyway. Now that was a lie but I was trying to make a point. It was then that she got really serious, "Yes you do. I can see it in your eyes. You want to go out and have fun and you want a boo to do it with." Well at that point I almost died or cried or both. I don't even know how I felt. Did I really look like a sad desperado w/ no boo? Uhh I couldn't take it. Everyone was saying exactly the same thing but it didn't make me feel any better about potentially contacting him. I talked to my old roommate from college and my Godmother she agreed with the rest so there was only one more stop to go. My oldest little brother who had the self-proclaimed title of being, "The Man."
This little clown is never to be taken seriously even when he is being serious but I was desperate so I listened. "Yeah, I once had a situation like that with a girl. I started talking to her again after a brief period of not talking to her and she got an attitude. You know how yall African American women do. She went off on me talking 'bout, 'Oh so now you want to talk to me!' I was like, 'That's a bet. I didn't want to talk to you anyway.' Why, cause I'm the man and I don't love these hos!" It was at that point I questioned whether it was wise to be be listening to this fool. "Nah but for real I didn't even know there was a problem with her. I know I had stopped talking to her but it took a lot of effort for me to even try to start talking to her again. Then she got an attitude... I know you had an attitude with that boy too. I know you and you're crazy. You should just text him. If it were me I would be like, ''Sup,' but since you're a girl you should say, "Wuz up." At that point I was 100% sure that it was not wise for me to be listening to him. At 22 years old he is technically a grown up I know that he is still far far from being a real grown man. Talking to him was pure comedy as usual but the fact that he mentioned that I acted like a stereotypical black girl did make me think...
After all of that I finally found someone who agreed with me, my older cousin. I consider her to be wise for real, after all she's been on this earth almost longer than my mom and I put together have been. She told me that my response to him was to be expected and that if he was truly interested in me he would make that known, therefore I should not contact him at all. I thought that someone finally agreeing with me would make me feel better but the uncertainty remained. I felt like the woman at the top of this page. I didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion. I just wanted peace.
It was at that point I made the decision to pray about it. To really pray about it too, not just the simple, "God what should I do" prayers that I had been praying before. When I prayed God answered. He reminded me of the role of a woman in a man's life and brought me all the way back to Adam and Eve. He revealed to me that when I finally get with the man I am supposed to be with he will not only want to be with me but he will need me. As women we are designed to be a helper for men, the Bible explains that very clearly in Genesis, so it is important for me to enter the man's life when he recognizes that he needs help, and not before. Then He reminded me of the fact that timing is everything. He brought me back to Moses and the children of Israel wandering around in the desert. The promise of entering the new land had already been made and they were already making their way there but some important things had to happen before they got there. They had to learn some things on their journey and certain people had to die before they reached their destination. God wanted to make sure that the right people with the right mindset were the ones to enter the promised land. The same rules apply for me today. I know there will be a man someday but in the meantime I have to learn some things and certain things have to die in my life before I am able to enter into the promised land/relationship. My wise council to whom I went for wise counsel pointed out some things about me that I'm not too happy about. I don't want to be seen as the stereotypical black girl who always has an attitude. I don't want to be seen as the unapproachable girl who is hard to talk to because she's so rude. I don't want to be seen as the sad girl who is desperate to find a man. In my mind that's not me therefore I don't want to be perceived as being that way and these are all things I can change (not the way others perceive me of course, but my behavior).
All of a sudden I felt so silly because I know I should of went to God first. I did with my "God what should I do prayer" but I should have went to him genuinely and earnestly, really seeking Him and what He had to say. That's what He's there for. He doesn't expect us to know which way to turn or what decisions to make so He makes himself available to reveal those things to us. It's our fault if we don't ask Him. I've had enough of that he said/ she said, my focus now is on what He said- period. I love, love, love my wise council but I will do my best to seek wise counsel from Him 1st from now on.
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and grieves to bear.
What a privilege we often carry
everything to God in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit,
oh what needless pain we're to bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
all our sins and grieves to bear.
What a privilege we often carry
everything to God in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit,
oh what needless pain we're to bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Here & Now
When I hear the phrase, "here and now" the first thing that comes to mind is the song, "Here and Now" by Luther Vandross. The song is a classic so I would hope that you would know it but just in case you don't here's the chorus:
12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[a] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
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Here and now
I promise to love faithfully [Faithfully]
You're all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee [You and me], hey
Your love is all [I need] I need
I promise to love faithfully [Faithfully]
You're all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee [You and me], hey
Your love is all [I need] I need
It really it is a beautiful song. A man promising to be faithful and vowing to be one with the love of his life... I'm sure that numerous people have gotten married to this song and plenty babies have been conceived with this song playing in the background. HOWEVER, I can't help but wonder why he's stressing the here and now so much. Some might say that he's just focused on being in the moment but I would argue, what if he's stressing the here and now because there and then he wasn't faithful and he was not only one with the girl he was singing to he was one with Keisha and Tanya and Sarah and Jamie too. Is the girl just supposed to believe him and all of his here and now promising and vowing and just forget there and then???
Now isn't it convenient that as I'm typing this Musiq Soulchild's song, "Today" is playing in the background on my computer. Now look at the lyrics of this song,
"Today"
[Verse 1:]
People always on a search tryna find that one (one)
But it's funny how they may not recognize it when it finally comes
(think it's) think it's at the mall
(or it's) or it's sippin' at the bar
All these dates and phone conversations we doing it all for what
When your Mrs. Right it's always Mrs. Wrong (Mrs. Wrong)
But I never stop to notice you where there all along (yeah)
Girl you're everything I could ever want and need
Now it's all clear to me and that's why
[Chorus:]
Today I've made up my mind
I'm gonna take this chance, bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you
My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl that my today is you
[Verse 2:]
Now that I'm about to put myself (self) out on a limb for love that means (no more) no more at
the club (tryna) pick something up
No more late night creepin' holler'n trying to see what's good for the night
I wanna be the best man for you (so)
If I gotta change my ways then baby I'll do
(whatever) whatever I got to keep you here by my side and starting with today
[Chorus:]
Today I've made up my mind
I'm gonna take this chance, bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you
My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl that my today is you
[Bridge:]
It took me a while (said it kinda took me a while)
To realize just how much (how much you really)
Really mean to me though what we have is so clear anyone can see
But I was just (tryna keep it on the low)
But I wasn't ready for love (I wasn't sure but now I know)
Now I believe that you and I were meant to be and that's why
[Chorus:]
Today I've made up my mind
I'm gonna take this chance, bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you
My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl that my today is you
[Verse 1:]
People always on a search tryna find that one (one)
But it's funny how they may not recognize it when it finally comes
(think it's) think it's at the mall
(or it's) or it's sippin' at the bar
All these dates and phone conversations we doing it all for what
When your Mrs. Right it's always Mrs. Wrong (Mrs. Wrong)
But I never stop to notice you where there all along (yeah)
Girl you're everything I could ever want and need
Now it's all clear to me and that's why
[Chorus:]
Today I've made up my mind
I'm gonna take this chance, bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you
My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl that my today is you
[Verse 2:]
Now that I'm about to put myself (self) out on a limb for love that means (no more) no more at
the club (tryna) pick something up
No more late night creepin' holler'n trying to see what's good for the night
I wanna be the best man for you (so)
If I gotta change my ways then baby I'll do
(whatever) whatever I got to keep you here by my side and starting with today
[Chorus:]
Today I've made up my mind
I'm gonna take this chance, bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you
My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl that my today is you
[Bridge:]
It took me a while (said it kinda took me a while)
To realize just how much (how much you really)
Really mean to me though what we have is so clear anyone can see
But I was just (tryna keep it on the low)
But I wasn't ready for love (I wasn't sure but now I know)
Now I believe that you and I were meant to be and that's why
[Chorus:]
Today I've made up my mind
I'm gonna take this chance, bet my life on this
Cause this precious love I've found in you
My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl that my today is you
See this is exactly what I'm talking about! Some girls would be like, "Awww that's so sweet," and hug and kiss a dude if he sang this to her, but a girl like me would be like, "What the hell-o kitty took you so long!?!" This may sound like the ranting of a bitter, crazy woman because it is, LOL. I have been called bitter more times than I care to admit this week by one friend. Then another friend told me just yesterday that I need to focus on the here and now, both of which regarding a situation with this one dude. (Yep, the same dude I'm trying to get selective amnesia for, LOL.) Now these two particular friends are really good close friends who are both really wise and have really strong relationships with the Lord so if they're both telling me the same thing I should probably listen...
I recognize today that I can't keep living in the past. Just because someone hurt me in the past doesn't mean that he'll do the same thing again. There is a difference between being cautious and having discernment and building up walls that are impossible to break through. The reality of the situation is that I still do care about this dude and I'm not saying that there will ever be a "Here and Now" or a "Today" moment between us but I know that there will never be one if I keep holding on to the past and I remain bitter.
It reminds me of the message Paul sends us in Philippians 3:12-14 about pressing toward the goal:
Philippians 3:12-14:
Pressing toward the Goal
12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[a] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
******************************************************************************************
Paul's goal was not only to get to know God but to be like Him and he was not willing to let anything get in the way of him reaching his goal. He realized that he had to change his focus in order to go where he needed to go. He chose to let go of his shortcomings and his past and focus on the promise of eternal life in God.
The message I want to leave with you today is less about this boy but more about focusing on the here and now. What goals do you have for yourself? For your relationships? For your career? For you family? Let go of the past- past failures, past heartbreaks, past conflicts, any negativity in your past and focus on your goal. Don't let the past hinder your future. Although you may not be perfect and you may not have achieved your goals yet if you continue to press I believe with the help of God you will reach your goals. God bless. =)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Caution
This weekend I wanted to pray and ask God for selective amnesia. Fortunately I realized how crazy I sounded and I didn't bother wasting my breath on such a foolish prayer. I know I'm not the only one who has just wanted to erase the memory of someone from their mind though. Don't judge me, LOL.
We have big red signs that tell us to yield when merging into traffic, we have multi-colored lights that tell us when to stop, slow down, and go, we have big yellow signs that tell us to be careful when the floor is wet, and we have big red signs that tell us where to exit but it's not as if people walk around with signs on their heads warning us of their true character. Oh, how I wish they did though... That way I wouldn't be sitting here considering praying for selective amnesia...
You already know this is about a boy. Long story short I used to love, love, love him. I thought he was the most perfect imperfect human being in the entire world and just the sight of him made my heart beat a little bit faster. This was no childhood crush. I was grown, he was grown, and I felt that if we pursued a relationship together we could have been forever. But we didn't. Period. The end.
But that's just it... although you may stop speaking to a person and cognitively you comprehend that the relationship (friendship, "boo"ship, or otherwise) is over it doesn't always stop you from thinking about him and how perfect yall could have been together and how cute he still is... Not saying that I'm thinking these things about anybody. I'm just saying... What am I saying though?
I'm saying that because people don't walk around with signs on their heads we must depend on an omniscient God to give us discernment so that we make good decisions on who to enter into relationships with. Not just romantic relationships either. It's important who we're friends with, it's important who we make our acquaintances. Just last week I heard a tragic story about two cousins who were killed by one of their mom's ex-boyfriends. We can't afford to just walk around thinking that we're good judges of character. People are crazy these days and we can't allow the enemy to catch us off guard. We already know what he's about- stealing, killing, and destroying. Let's not get caught up. On the flip side, one of my friend's just got married to the love of his life and he couldn't be happier. He prayed to God for his wife and he got exactly what he prayed for. God can show you who's right for you just as well as He can show you who's wrong.
So consider yourself warned. Here is your big yellow sign: CAUTION. God gave us His Holy Spirit because He knew we would need it to deal with all of the things that this life may bring. Fortunately, whether you're foolishly tripping over love lost like me or you're dealing with something more serious God is there to lead you, guide you, and comfort you... Even when you find yourself praying for selective amnesia, LOL.
Psalm 23
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Only Believe
I follow several blogs and I am a reality TV junkie. After a while I started to wonder, "What is it that has me hooked to this stuff?" The answer is simple. I'm nosey. =) Just kidding. The real answer is I appreciate the opportunity to peer into others people's lives and witness their stories. It amazes me that there are people who are bold enough to share their stories with the rest of the world whether the stories are written or televised. That is a level of vulnerability I admire but as of yet have been unable to achieve. When I created this blog I intended for it to be a personal account of the life and times of me... myself... and yes, you guessed it, Jesus (yet another thing I have been unable to achieve). Once again Imma try harder to do better. There's no false advertisement today. This entry is really about Me, Myself, and Jesus. Now I'll tell yall like Erykah Badu told her audience, "Now keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shhh." =)
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So once upon a time there was this boy. It was 10 years ago... I was a freshman in high school and he was a senior. I was in Fish Camp for marching band and he was my field officer. He was tall, light-skinned, and handsome; the stern but gentle leader of the low brass section. I had known him for years prior but this was different, this was high school. I just knew that being in marching band together would allow us to spend long days and nights together, practicing our music, sweating in the hot sun, getting to know each other better... When the band director assigned us to stand next to each other on the field I thought that I would die from nervous excitement. He was so much more experienced and as he stood next to me I could hear his perfect tone as he played the music that he had already effortlessly memorized perfectly as he marched with his perfect posture and perfect toes. I felt so inferior as I stood next to him trying to match his tone while struggling to hold my sheet music that I had not yet memorized in one hand while moving my trombone slide with the other. He criticized me daily for not playing loud enough and not pointing my toes high enough and I worked everyday to be better.
Then came our first game. I was beyond terrified standing there holding my trombone, praying that I would remember my notes, praying that I would remember my steps, and praying that I wouldn't fall. Then, out of no where he whispered, "Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'm right beside you." I felt a calmness sweep over me. That was all it took... I was in love. I failed to realize then that handsome senior men tend to have gorgeous senior girlfriends, therefore my crush remained exactly that- a crush.
**********************************************************************************************************
Okay, okay I admit it. Parts of that story may have been fantasized or romanticized but hey it was 10 years ago. I can barely remember 10 days ago, much less ten years... Anyway, imagine my surprise when sexy, single, Mr. Band Man walked into bible study this week. Suddenly I wished that it was not the day BEFORE my hair appointment and that I had not worn my nerdy glasses and carelessly thrown my hair into a ponytail. He waltzed in looking just as good as he used to in high school. He recognized me and came straight to me and shook my hand. We both said hello and commented on how it had been forever since we had seen each other and he went and sat directly across from me at the table. Everyone said their hellos at the table and eventually bible study began. We were a small little group of 5 but the discussion was powerful. I appreciated how everyone shared what part of the scripture stood out to them and discussed how it was relevant to their lives today. In that small group there were people of different ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, and religions but we were all there for the same reason- to study the Word of God. It reminded me of 1 Corinthians 12 where the Bible talks about the fact there are many parts but we all make up one body in Christ. This experience showed me that it doesn't matter what race you are or what religion you are, all of us are a part of the body of Christ and all of us have gifts, stories, and experiences that are relevant and that can be shared with others to upbuild the body of Christ.
*************************************************************************
Now who's to say what, if anything, will happen between me and Mr. Band Man... I'm not even concerned. I appreciate the important lesson I learned though. No matter who you are or where you're from you will have something in common with millions of Christinas around the world if you do this one thing- only believe.
********************************************************************************************************
So once upon a time there was this boy. It was 10 years ago... I was a freshman in high school and he was a senior. I was in Fish Camp for marching band and he was my field officer. He was tall, light-skinned, and handsome; the stern but gentle leader of the low brass section. I had known him for years prior but this was different, this was high school. I just knew that being in marching band together would allow us to spend long days and nights together, practicing our music, sweating in the hot sun, getting to know each other better... When the band director assigned us to stand next to each other on the field I thought that I would die from nervous excitement. He was so much more experienced and as he stood next to me I could hear his perfect tone as he played the music that he had already effortlessly memorized perfectly as he marched with his perfect posture and perfect toes. I felt so inferior as I stood next to him trying to match his tone while struggling to hold my sheet music that I had not yet memorized in one hand while moving my trombone slide with the other. He criticized me daily for not playing loud enough and not pointing my toes high enough and I worked everyday to be better.
Then came our first game. I was beyond terrified standing there holding my trombone, praying that I would remember my notes, praying that I would remember my steps, and praying that I wouldn't fall. Then, out of no where he whispered, "Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'm right beside you." I felt a calmness sweep over me. That was all it took... I was in love. I failed to realize then that handsome senior men tend to have gorgeous senior girlfriends, therefore my crush remained exactly that- a crush.
**********************************************************************************************************
Okay, okay I admit it. Parts of that story may have been fantasized or romanticized but hey it was 10 years ago. I can barely remember 10 days ago, much less ten years... Anyway, imagine my surprise when sexy, single, Mr. Band Man walked into bible study this week. Suddenly I wished that it was not the day BEFORE my hair appointment and that I had not worn my nerdy glasses and carelessly thrown my hair into a ponytail. He waltzed in looking just as good as he used to in high school. He recognized me and came straight to me and shook my hand. We both said hello and commented on how it had been forever since we had seen each other and he went and sat directly across from me at the table. Everyone said their hellos at the table and eventually bible study began. We were a small little group of 5 but the discussion was powerful. I appreciated how everyone shared what part of the scripture stood out to them and discussed how it was relevant to their lives today. In that small group there were people of different ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, and religions but we were all there for the same reason- to study the Word of God. It reminded me of 1 Corinthians 12 where the Bible talks about the fact there are many parts but we all make up one body in Christ. This experience showed me that it doesn't matter what race you are or what religion you are, all of us are a part of the body of Christ and all of us have gifts, stories, and experiences that are relevant and that can be shared with others to upbuild the body of Christ.
*************************************************************************
Now who's to say what, if anything, will happen between me and Mr. Band Man... I'm not even concerned. I appreciate the important lesson I learned though. No matter who you are or where you're from you will have something in common with millions of Christinas around the world if you do this one thing- only believe.
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