So in case you haven't figured it out today, tonight rather, I'm writing about friends. I had to give a talk to some little girls a couple of weeks ago about friends and I think my talk sucked. Well, let me take that back, I don't think I sucked because everything I said was true and relevant, but I don't feel like it was real. I don't think I was being my true self when I got up there and began talking. I don't know what was going on in my mind, if it was the venue, or I was intimidated by some of the other adults there, whatever it was, I was tripping and I'm still upset because whatever I do, whenever I do it, I need to feel comfortable enough to stand up and be me. Anyways, I will consider this blog post my "do over" and hopefully in the future I won't ever have to sit back and regret not being myself at a speaking engagement... Geez.
Aight, so if there's one thing that I know about it's friends, not because I'm a therapist, not because I read the Bible and I've read the Biblical qualifications a friend should have, this is something I know because of personal experience. Don't let the age fool you, I've had friends of all colors, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, ages, sexual orientations... you get the idea. I've had really really good friends, the kind that would jump over a table in the club to have my back (true story) and then I've had some not so good friends (I'll just leave those stories out to protect the guilty, you're welcome.)
I can remember every best friend I've ever had from the age of 5 on and I can also remember every friend that I've thought was a best friend who ended up being a lying, two-faced, ratchet... well I digress. Today I can honestly say that I'm grateful for every friend (and I use that term lightly) that I've ever had. The bad friendships that I've had have helped me to learn valuable lessons about what not to do in the future as well as appreciate the good friends that I have today. As for my good friends... I think this is where I'll put my focus for this post. As entertaining as it would be for me to give you stories about the bad ones I think it's much more relevant for me to talk about the good ones so that you can have the opportunity to recognize and appreciate the good friends that you have (and maybe those who aren't so good that you still hang out with.)
Aight, I have lots of people who fit in the category friend in my life. I have people who I was super close to "back in the day when I was young" who I might not talk to too much today but who remain in that category because of who they were to me. I have former classmates and coworkers who might not know my innermost thoughts and dreams but are fun people who I enjoy hanging out with. I have people who think they are my friends who really aren't who I allow to think that they are because I somewhat agree with the adage to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." So there's all kinds of people in my life and in the midst of all of them there are my real friends. These are the people I consider to be family who I would not want to imagine living without. These are the people who talk to about everything and nothing and who accept me flaws and all who contribute to making me a better person. I'm sure that you have some of all of the above as well but these people, each and every person who fits in the friend category of my life, these are the people that I'm thinking of now as I make this list of: 5 Things You Should Know About Friends.
#1- All Friends Are Not Created Equal
Imma be for real and let you know that I have a hierarchy of friends. Let's look at it like a pyramid. I have a whole bunch of people on the bottom of the pyramid who are technically my friends but they're more like associates. If I run into them in the streets I'll speak but that's about all it is between us and probably all that it's ever gon' be. Then if you go up a little bit on the hierarchy you get to people I know. These are people who actually know my first and last name. They might know a little bit about me. They probably know my phone number and we probably talk a couple of times a year. There's more levels but as you go up the number of people on that level gets smaller and smaller and that's how it should be. Everybody you know should not know every detail of your life. This means you shouldn't put everything you do on Twitter where anybody and everybody can read it. You shouldn't have a Facebook status talking about how you and your Boo are having problems. Be smart people, everybody is not best friend material therefore you should make sure that you don't set yourself up to be hurt by someone you considered a best friend who really deserved to be an associate.
#2- Birds of a Feather Really Do Flock Together
Once upon a time I used to think that who I was friends with really didn't matter. It didn't matter if they did things that I didn't necessarily agree with or lived certain lifestyles that I knew weren't right or if they were rude people or if they didn't have a relationship with God... Um, WRONG! That stuff matters. You might not agree with everything your friends do with their lives and that's fine but if they're just in general not a good person why would you be friends with them in the first place? It matters who you're friends with because people tend to be like the people they hang out with. That means if your friend cusses 24/7 and you don't, don't be surprised if the more you hang out with them you start cussing too; and I'm not just saying that sometimes bad habits can rub off, good habits can rub off too. All I'm saying is, if you're a good person and you're trying to live a life that's right with God then surround yourself with people who are trying to do the same thing. It only makes sense.
#3- Friendships Take Time
Don't base your opinion on someone solely on first impressions. Many times people are trying to put their best foot forward in the beginning and you won't see who they really are until later. If you're thinking about making someone your BFF after knowing them for five seconds, don't. It takes time to get to know people, but once they show you who they really are Believe them! I will tell you from personal experience several of my closest friendships today started off with either me not liking them or them not liking me, however, once we got to know each other then we allowed our friendships to develop. Take your time, if they're a real friend then they're not going anywhere.
4- No Friend Is Perfect Therefore No Friendship Is Perfect
No matter how much you love your friend and they claim to love you, at some point there's going to be some discord and this is to be expected. So many people have unrealistic expectations for people and relationships in their lives. Take it from me, I've had some kind of conflict with every close friend I've ever had. Granted, some conflicts have been bigger than others but today when conflict arises in my friendship I'm not devastated because I know that at some point it's bound to happen. Do yourself a favor and accept that no one is perfect and no friendship is perfect so when conflict arises you are able to talk about it and work through it. After all, many friendships become stronger after going through something.
5- Best Friends, Yes; Best Friends Forever, Not So Much
I know what it is to have a friend that you think is the "best you ever had" and you just think that yall will be friends forever and then the friendship ends up not working out. It happens. Friends fall off with each other for whatever reason and that's just something that we have to learn to accept. I think that it's important to recognize that some people come into your life for a season while others come into your life for a lifetime and we shouldn't try to hang on to seasonal friends once their season is over.
Aight, those are my 5 things. Those would have been relevant for some little girls (I say little girls they were age 8-18) to hear. See my talk could have been so simple but I made it hard. Anyways, there it is, my "redo." I like it much better than the original. =)
Anyways, I'm blessed today to have wonderful people on every level of my hierarchy of friends and I pray that you have the same as well. As promised here's Whodini with one of the realest songs ever written: Friends.
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