Settling Down

Recently I've struggled to empathize with my friends and the issues that they encounter in their romantic relationships. For several of my friends, I'm the person that they turn to to talk about the happenings with their boos. Don't get me wrong, I love love love being the one that they turn to and I appreciate the fact that they care enough to tell me anything at all about their personal lives. However, the more serious they get in their relationships the harder it is for me to relate.

At this point in my life I can't understand wanting to give up single life in order to share my life with someone else. (For what it's worth I've never been too keen on sharing. LOL.) It's crazy too because once upon a time I was obsessed the thought of being married. I sit here and laugh today at how much my priorities have changed. I can remember at one point telling my friends that if given the choice between pursuing a career or getting married and having kids I would choose the latter. Without hesitation or a second thought I would have chose the latter. Now getting married is probably one of the last things on my mind while getting my career off the ground is one of the 1st. However, all around me more and more of my friends are making the decision to "settle down." It's crazy to see some of my friends (many of whom are the same age of me) not only as husbands or wives but also as parents. My, my, my how things change...

Last Friday I ran into one of my old friends from high school. We hadn't seen each other in YEARS so I was really happy to see her. We sat down and discussed the current state our lives but for me nothing had really changed since the last time I'd seen her. I'm still single and still in school. What can I say, I'm still the "same ol' G"LOL. I was surprised to hear how much her life had changed though.

She confessed that she had settled down since the last time I'd seen her. My little party girl friend is now working on getting her certification to become a teacher. She said when she met her boyfriend she decided to calm down on all the partying and now her focus is on her family, her boo, work, and school. When she told me that they'd even bought a house together I was shocked. I would have never guessed that she would have changed her lifestyle so much so quickly and at such a young age (she's 21/22.) It started me to thinking though...

I decided that my new quest would be to get a better understanding of why people make the decision to settle down. I started wondering, how does it happen? What happens in a person's life to make them want to settle down? Is it that they meet someone and that person makes them want to settle down or is it that they make the decision to settle down and then they meet someone to settle down with? I felt that it was probably a little bit of both. I even asked for the opinion of several of my friends who are in semi-serious relationships and they agreed. So at that point I had the answer to my questions but there was still a part of me that felt that I couldn't fully comprehend why people make the decision to settle down, especially at my age.

The way I see/saw it is that it's fun to be single. I like having the freedom to be able to do whatever, whenever, without worrying about having to answer to anyone, cater to anyone, or compromise with anyone. It's fun and exciting to meet new dudes and establish new friendships, especially when they turn out to be someone that you actually enjoy hanging out with and you grow to care about, but for me that's all I think/thought I needed- at least for right now anyway. Then something happened that put it all into perspective for me...

Last weekend I went to this place that I go to regularly. (I know some of you might want to know where I was. Don't ask no questions, LOL. When I leave out details I do so on purpose. I be trying to tell yall stories without making it too easy for yall to figure out who/what/when/where/why I'm talking about it. :-))

So yeah, I went to this place that I go to all the time. I recognized most of the people who were there because they're usuals as well but there were several faces that I'd never seen before. I was chilling in my normal spot when all of a sudden I saw this boy across the room. He wasn't a familiar face but he seemed to be the life of the party. It seemed that all eyes were on him, mine included.

I couldn't figure out why I didn't know him. This was one of those places where everybody knows everybody for the most part so in my mind I was like, where did he come from? I sat up a little bit straighter just in case he looked in my direction and leaned over and asked the person beside me casually, "Who is that?" She told me he was a friend of one of the usuals and that she'd seen him there before. "Oh okay," I responded trying to play it off like I was indifferent but I was definitely attracted to him. I couldn't put my finger on what it was about him that attracted me to him at first but then I realized that he "remind[ed] me of a boy that I once knew..." but not only that, he reminded me of a time in my life (long ago and so far away) back when I had wanted to "settle down."

I had remembered wanting so desperately to be married when I was younger but I had forgotten that at the time there was someone I could actually see myself being married to. Mr. Man, I'll call him, was everything that I had ever prayed for in a partner and even some things I hadn't even thought to pray for. The way that I felt about him is something that I won't even attempt to articulate in words, however, I will say that I've never felt that way about anyone before him and I haven't felt that way about anyone since him. I would look at him and I could see forever. I felt like he fit in my life in a way that no one else would, could, or should. And he wasn't perfect, as no man is, but I saw past his imperfections and I saw his potential...

I won't bore you about Mr. Man because I could probably babble about about him for hours if not days and he isn't too relevant because obviously we didn't turn out Happily Ever After...    Let's just say that my quest for understanding ended at the onset of seeing Mr. YouRemindMe who reminded me of Mr. Man. I can't even believe that I've gotten so caught up in life and so far away from love that I forgot how it felt to not only want to settle down but to also have felt that you found the person you want to settle down with. Don't worry, I'm not any closer to wanting to give up the single life than I was before I began this little search for understanding, however, I end this particular journey feeling like I will be able to be a better friend now that I am able to empathize more with what my friends are going through. Also, although I'm not in a hurry to rush love I will appreciate it more when it comes knowing that it does not come along that often.

So for all of you who have made the decision to settle down and you've been fortunate enough to find the person to settle down with, Yay for you! I'm genuinely happy for you and I wish you the best. However, for now I'm happy just being "the same ol' [single] G." LOL. :-)