Back To the Basics

In the Bible there are numerous accounts of people who heard from God and Joseph, Jesus' step-daddy =), was no exception. Now when writing about relationships I tend to focus on Ruth and Boaz because I think their relationship serves as a great example of love and happiness, but today I'm gonna focus on Joseph and his Boo, Mary. Mary and Joseph give us an example of what to do when the unexpected occurs within a relationship.

Matthew begins to give us a little background information about their relationship in Matthew 1:18 and continues through the end of the chapter.

Joseph was engaged to Mary when all of a sudden she comes to him and tells him that she's pregnant. Joseph knows that he is not the father so this news is quite unexpected. I would imagine the conversation went a little something like this (Disclaimer: This is a facetious conversation therefore it should not be taken literally.)

"Hey Boo."

"Hey Mary. What's up baby?"

"Well, speaking of babies... um, I'm pregnant."

"You what?!? I thought you were a virgin."

"I am. Let me explain before you get all upset. See what had happened was... This angel just came up out of nowhere and at first I was scared but then the angel told me not to be scared because God favors me and He wants me to have His baby. Then I was like how because I've never been with a dude like that. Then he told me the Holy Spirit was gonna come up on me and then I was like well do what You do God. I mean, He's God. I wasn't just gon' tell Him no... So yeah, now I'm pregnant."

Now Joseph was a righteous man so there was probably no cussing and fussing after Mary's announcement. The Bible said that he did not want her to be disgraced publicly so in his mind he was considering breaking the engagement quietly. However, while he was thinking it over an angel of the Lord came to him in a dream and told him that was Mary was saying is true and that he should marry her and name the baby boy Jesus. When Joseph woke up he did just what the angel commanded him to do and he married Mary. Also, although they were married he abstained from having sex with her until after Jesus was born so Mary remained a virgin until after the birth of Jesus.

(There are several key points that I want you to take away from this message so I'm gonna just break it down like #1, #2, #3...)

1.  Talk About It and Be Truthful: Communication is key when in a relationship. No matter how bad the situation seems it's usually better to talk about the it rather than have your partner find out some other way. Mary knew that there was a possibility that Joseph might leave her when he found out that she was pregnant even though she had done nothing wrong. She made the best decision because instead of hiding the pregnancy from him she went to him and told him the truth and left him to make his decision with him knowing everything that was going on with her.

2.  Don't Make Hasty Decisions: Sometimes as humans we let our emotions get the best of us and we end up making permanent decisions about temporary situations. Joseph took time to think things over and that allowed God the opportunity to send an angel to him in a dream. Don't react immediately when your partner tells you something you might not want to hear. Take a minute and think about it and most importantly pray about it before you make your decision. Although, what your partner says may be news to you, it's never news to Him. Remember, He always has a master plan so you make sure that what you do is in line with what He wants done. 

3.  Be Receptive and Obedient to What God Has to Say: In Joseph's mind he probably thought that the best thing to do for both his sake and the sake of Mary was to divorce her quietly so that he would avoid humiliation and she would avoid being stoned to death. Thankfully, God in His ultimate wisdom had a better idea and Joseph being the righteous man that he was proved to be obedient. Joseph knew that there was a possibility that people could have talked badly about him for taking Mary as his wife but he chose to stand by her and do what God said was best. Also, not only did he do it, he did it immediately.

I feel that people don't always give Joseph the credit that he deserves because he was a really good man. My commentary points out four important things about his character that we see in this passage.

1. Joseph was righteous.
2. Joseph was sensitive to Mary's situation and planned to use discretion when making his decision.
3. Joseph quickly obeyed God.
4. Joseph used a lot of self-discipline in order to not have sex with Mary while she was pregnant.

We also know that Joseph served as a good earthly father to Jesus after he was born. I think this passage plays an important part in showing us that relationships are not perfect, therefore when the unexpected occurs we should make sure that we lean on the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God to help us make our decisions. When Joseph met Mary I'm sure he had no idea how God was going to use both of them in such special ways. Therefore, we should always seek God before making decisions, recognizing that it is a privilege and an honor for us to even be able to commune with Him. We should always be willing vessels like Mary and Joseph because we never know God is going to use us. God might use you and your partner to change the world! 

This story would have ended quite differently if God had not sent that angel to speak to Joseph in his dream. I think it's awesome how God uses different situations, opportunities, and people to speak to us. This story proves that God always has something to say, even when it comes to our "love lives." One of my most favorite songs will always and forever be, "Jesus is a Love Song," by Karen Clark Sheard and the Clark Sisters.  For me this song serves as a beautiful harmonic expression of just how wonderful it is to be close to Jesus and to have the opportunity to be able to hear from Him.

I just want to invite you to take the time to listen to the song and to appreciate just how wonderful He is. Let Him be a Love Song in your life. =) God bless.

Personal Sacrifice

Tonight I watched a portion of the television event, BET Honors 2010.  I was just flipping through the channels and I happened to run across it and there was Mary J. Blige singing one of my favorite old school songs of hers, "Be Happy." All I needed to hear was the first beat of the song and I was out of my seat. The remote control metamorphosed into my microphone and there I was singing and dancing alongside MJB,

"How can I love somebody else, if I can't love myself enough to know, when it's time, time to let go? All I really want, is to be happy, and to find a love that's mine, it would be so sweet." 

That's about as far as I got before I got winded and remembered that I have really severe asthma and that I can't be hopping up and singing like that, LOL. Needless to say, I sat my happy self down and in all of my excitement actually stopped to take time to listen to the words. Homegirl was "killing me softly." (If you haven't noticed by now I often speak in songs. Stay with me.)

I ask for a sign from the sweet Lord above

I know the answer is in front of me 

But when you think you're in love 

You only see what you want to see

And all I see is me for you

And you for me

When she got back to the chorus I wanted to jump back up and start dancing again but I thought better of it and remained seated and kept listening.

I just wanna be so, so, happy

But the answer lies in me

I do believe

That we can be happy

I said I wanna be happy, yeah

In my mind I was thinking, "You ain't the only one Mary. You ain't the only one." I was still crunk off the song when Diddy came up on stage, accepted his award, and shared the story of how his mother worked several jobs in order to be able to take care of her family. It was such an inspirational story and one that yielded a happy ending. It was the story of the personal sacrifice of a mother that led to her raising a son who became an extremely successful and wealthy entrepreneur.

I think the story means even more to me on today, Ash Wednesday. A day when millions of people around the world begin their first day of Lent and dedicate the next 40 days to fasting, praying, and giving alms in order to recognize the personal sacrifice that Jesus made when He gave his life for us on the cross. Many of these people believe that by praying more, giving to others, and practicing self denial that they can establish a closer relationship with God. I am in shock at the lengths that some of my friends are going in order to deny themselves and grow closer to Jesus. One of my friends who lives and breathes music actually gave up music for Lent. She gave her iPod and earphones to close friends for safe keeping and even took the radio out of her car. I, being a music lover myself, can appreciate how significant a sacrifice that is for her, however I can also recognize that that no matter what sacrifice we make, no matter how personal, no matter how big, no matter how small, our sacrifices can never compare to the sacrifice that He made for us.  

In life everyone has to make sacrifices, whether it be for a family member, for one's career, or even for one's health. Many times we look at the word "sacrifice" in a negative light because it typically requires giving something up, but we often fail to see by losing something what we gain. I'm sure Janice Combs lost a lot of sleep and quality time that she could have spent with her children by working two jobs. Also, the Bible* talks about how Jesus prayed to God and asked if it were possible that the suffering and separation from God that He was experiencing be taken away from Him before He finally agreed to do God's will. Now in no way am I trying to compare the two sacrifices because that would be ludicrous but if I could I would ask each of them (in reference to the sacrifice they made), "Was it worth it?"

When one considers the benefits of sacrifice one can begin to look at the whole concept of personal sacrifice in a different light. The Bible,** more than once, talks about how we should consider it joy and rejoice whenever we have trials because when our faith is tested we develop perseverance and when we persevere we become mature and complete, so that we are not lacking anything and we develop character and hope.

So how do we achieve that happiness Mary is singing about? She tells us in her song. She tells us that the answer lies in us. We can no longer be blind when the answer we long for is right in front of us. We have to love ourselves enough to know when we need to let certain people and/or things go. We also have to change our minds about the way we think when it comes to sacrificing because we know that when we sacrifice the right things for the right reasons the benefits outweigh the risks. Then, and only then, can we truly be happy in spite of whatever may be going on around us. So now since I'm asking myself this question I figure I might as well ask you too, What are you willing to sacrifice?

For those who have never heard the song before or just never realized she was speaking The Truth:

Mary J. Blige- Be Happy

*Matthew 26:39

**James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5

Me, Myself, and Jesus

"Back in the days when I was young I'm not a kid anymore

But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again"

                                                       -Ahmad, rapper

I'm a planner. It's who I am. It's what I do. 

In preschool I knew that I wanted to be a doctor. By the end of elementary school I was not yet able to articulate the technical term "obstetrician/gynecologist" but when asked, responded that I wanted to be a baby doctor. By the end of middle school I knew which university I wanted to attend and what I would major in when I got there. By the end of high school I had been accepted to that university (as well as numerous others) and had received a full scholarship. Yet another thing to scratch off my list. Like most other ambitious little kids I knew, I had a Life Plan. I wanted to accomplish this by this age and obtain that by that age and at that point everything was going according to plan. I even graduated from that university with honors and in under four years but somehow, someway the plan went awry. 

When I sat down and made the plan I did not account for unforeseen circumstances, financial strain, illnesses, deaths, losses, natural disasters, and other acts of God that would thwart the plan. For nearly twenty years my life went according to plan, but in an instant that all changed and now I find myself, the planner, stuck, and without a Plan B.

For a while, I felt like a part of my identity was gone and I even felt that all of my accomplishments were in vain. How could I remain to be seen as "the planner" when I no longer had a plan? That's when in my mind I went back to the days when I was a child, when everything felt so complicated but was actually quite simple. "Back in the days when I was young" and I didn't quite understand what Monica meant in Love and Basketball when she said, "It's a trip, you know? When you're a kid, you-you see the life you want, and it never crosses your mind that it's not gonna turn out that way."

She's right. I never imagined that life would not turn out the way that I wanted it to. I immaturely imagined that my plan was so perfect that no backup plan was necessary, so when tragedy struck in my life and my plan failed I felt like I had nothing left. Fortunately, after some time I finally came to the realization that although I no longer had a plan I still have everything I need to make a new one. So this is the written account of my quest to come up with and implement Plan B (and Plan C, D, and E if necessary). I'm sure I will interact with numerous people on this new journey, but for now it's just

 Me, Myself, and Jesus.